3.31.2005

GET YOUR LYSISTRATA TICKETS NOW! WE ARE EXPECTING THE LATER NIGHTS TO SELL OUT.


www.smarttix.com

3.30.2005

Where-o?

And here is my review of the new Beck album Guero

It’s not Sea Change. It’s not Mellow Gold. It’s not Midnite Vultures. It’s not Odelay. It’s not Mutations. It’s Guero. So shut up.

E-Pro - Hello! Welcome to the new album! This is the perfect first single/intro to the album track. It has an infectious, accessible rawk guitar riff and a sing along chorus that you will be humming until you claw out that section of your brain…and that’s good. The lyrics (if you can make any of them out) are darker than anything Beck has written before. They are still non-linear and non-narrative, but there are definite themes introduced in “E-Pro” that are prominent throughout the album: (death, dust, devils).

Que Onda Guero – Que Onda Guero (“What’s up, white boy?”) is Beck reminiscing about his roots. He grew up in East L.A. and the numerous (and incredibly obnoxious) Spanish voices heard throughout this track are actual recordings made by Beck just walking around the streets of East L.A. Less obnoxious and more dorky is the rapping Spanglish Beck springs on us. While the subject matter of this song really doesn’t add to the lyrical themes of the album, it pinpoints the musically theme: Beck Does East L.A., South America, Mexico, Brazil and Points Beyond. Ole!

Girl – Picture it: You’re driving in a little red Corvette with the top down, the wind is blowing through your hair, the sun is shining, everything is pure love, baby, pure love. That’s the music and tone of this song, but if you stop putting on suntan lotion and polishing your sunglasses long enough to notice the lyrics, you will find yourself hard pressed to resist a shiver despite the warm sun. Reading the lyrics gives the impression of reading a serial killers journal: “I saw her, yeah I saw her with her black tongue tied round the roses” leads to “and I know I’m going to steal her eye/she doesn’t even know what’s wrong/I know I’m gonna make her die/and take her where her soul belongs/I know I’m gonna steal her eye/nothing that I wouldn’t try/my sun-eyed girl”. The naïve portrayal of the girl and the use of the possessive (my sun-eyed girl) just make this song even creepier.

Missing – This song was originally titled “Brazillica” and although “Missing” is more appropriate lyrically, this song feels like “Brazillica”. The music fills one with the image of someone at a club who has lost their way and is looking for their friend while dancing at the same time. A very swaying song. The lyrics tell a much sadder story. A man obsessed with a woman. “I prayed heaven today/would bring its hammer down on me/and pound you out of my head/I can’t think with you in it”. He goes on to try and console himself with the idea that “something always takes the place of missing pieces/you can take and put together even though you know there’s something missing” but eventually, we see his mind so consumed by this girl, he finishes off by mumbling a more vague “something always missing/always someone missing something”. This track also features some string arrangements by Beck and his freakishly talented father David Campbell (see “all gut-wrenching string arrangements from Sea Change”).

Black Tambourine – Did someone ask for the double order of funk? African tribal drums provide a pelvic thrusting spine to this track about slavery and sex. Yes, Beck made a funky song about slavery and sex. “Black heart in effigy/we sing a song that was hated/all dressed in rag and bone/shark smell the blood that I’m bleeding/I know there’s something wrong/might take a fire to kill it/might take a hurricane/don’t know what life that I’m livin’” Read into it what you want, but that verse smells of slavery. The sex part comes in at the end where Beck states: “and when the sun is down/we’ll shake and rattle our bodies/to keep it warm at night/my tambourine is still shaking”. For those that aren’t familiar, “tambourine” is slang for vagina (thank you, Prince).

Earthquake Weather – The title and atmosphere of this song go perfectly together. The background features unsettling moaning noises, the guitar makes you uncomfortable and the lyrics? They don’t help. “Something’s coming/sky is purple/dogs are howling/to themselves/days are changing with the weather/like a rip tide could rip us away/I push/I pull/the days go slow/into a void we filled with death and noise/that laughs/falls off their maps/all cured of pain/and doubts in your little brain”. This is the kind of music that zombies masturbate to.

Hell Yes – I hope you kept your Funk Pants nearby because it’s about to get smelly again. In this song, Beck brags “my beat is correct”. As a Doctor of Beats, I can completely support Mr. Hansen’s assertion. Only Beck can take the flavor of blues harmonica, Japanese techno-rock and a Dust Brothers bassline and cook such a tasty musical burrito. This is the most nonsensical track on the album (a true return to “the lyrics being the most important and least important element in a song”) but it matters not! This track is funky in an archetypal sort of way; in other words, the Collective Subconscious understands and appreciates the funk of this track. I dare anyone hearing “Hell Yes” to try and stop from feeling like month old milk…rotten with funk. “Perfunctory idols rewriting their bibles/with magic markers running out of their ink/lives in white out/turn the lights out/fax machine anthems/get your damn hands up” gladly Beck, gladly.

Broken Drum – A pause from the funk attack. This is a simple, beautiful, sad song. The almost palpable feeling of isolation and loneliness comes from the echoing guitar, the piano and Beck’s cold/warm vocals. In this song you can actually witness the end of a relationship, apparently because of drug use. “I won’t take it back/I’ve seen your eyes”. But although he seems to be taking a firm stance on the issue, he finishes off with “Your setting sun/your broken drum/your little drugs/I’ll never forget you/never forget you”. It looks like in the end, all he has to remember her by are her bad habits.

Scarecrow – This is “walking along a dust road” music. AND it features the bassline to Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”. What more could you ask for? The problem with this track is that it has little to offer when compared to the other works presented. It’s still a good song, it fits in well with the aesthetic of the album with lyrics like “I’m walking to the other side/the devil tryin’ to take my mind/and my soul’s just a silhouette in the ashes of a cigarette” and “I wanted hope from a grave/I wanted strength from a slave/what gives you comfort now might be the end of you then”, but I guess every album has to have a weak link, and this is it.

Go It Alone – If I may take a moment to talk about handclaps. Any song can be made 40 times better by encompassing handclaps. I do not know why; maybe it has something to do with accessibility and making the listener feel like clapping along, but be it They Might Be Giants, Cake, eels, Beck, Nine Inch Nails or Weezer, it fucking works. This track, with its handclaps, Jack White bassline and dusty imagery fits perfectly into the whole. This is a wonderful track to slow down to. If you’re pacing or nervous or something like that, just take a moment to feel how laid back Beck is and chiiilllll…but don’t chill too much. Although this is a great slacking song, the last line (“the sky is burning in my rearview mirror”) reminds you that you are in Guero Town…and things are totally fucked up.

Farewell Ride – See what I told you? Fucked right up. This is the goddamned dustiest song I have ever heard. In fact, you can actually hear the dust on the guitar strings. Aside from the guitar, there are actually chains in the instrumentation of this song as well as the dustiest of dusty instruments: the harmonica. This song finds Beck waiting to be brought to the gallows. “I don’t see the face of kindness/I don’t hear the mission bell/I don’t smell the morning roses/all I see is/all I see is/two white horses in a line/carrying me to my burying ground”. Beck is apparently not doin’ fine anymore.

Rental Car – A last burst of energy, and very well done, might I add. Again handclaps sooth our souls until the always excellent “yeah yeah yeah” chorus comes in. This is a good song until about two thirds of the way through when it becomes an excellent song thanks, in part to the Dust Brothers. “Hey now girl/at the end of the road/down where the reaper is walking alone/singing a death knell clapping along/at the end of the night there’s a road we’ll be on/taking me far/far as a rental car can go.” Great, now Beck’s dead.

Emergency Exit - Amazing ending to an amazing album. This song has some of the most somber lyrics ever sung by Beck and the feeling of “over” is totally there, man. “What’s left of death is more than fear/let dust be dust and the good lord near/it’s a little too much to ask of faith/a little too late to wait for fate/so tell the angels what you’ve seen/scarecrow shadow on a Nazarene.” I don’t think Beck will be breaking any sexx laws any time soon.

This is where the regular CD ends, but the super deluxe DJ Shadow remix version has 7 more tracks, three bonus B-sides and four remixes. Here is some info on the three B-sides…

Send A Message To Her – The only reason this was not included on the album is because it resembles a few others on the album proper and that sucks because is a great song. Awesome guitar, catchy-as-hell chorus and a synthed-out 80’s breakdown towards the end would have made this an instant classic. But I guess you need B-sides.

Chain Reaction – A heavily distorted track blasts out uber-fuzz rock guitar and malfunctioning computer blips and bloops. This man has a bad case f crazy…in his soul. I must say I appreciated this song 100 times more after I saw the lyrics. “Barracuda believer with a heathen guitar/apocalyptic nostalgia tokens/dark arks set sail for Antarctica oceans”. Pure Beck. Now if only I could make these lyrics out…

Clap Hands – See? Beck digs the importance of handclaps. This song expresses the inner-robot-gypsy in Beck…more so than his other work to date. The BPM (beats per minute) are exactly 240 so you can cook eggs to this song. “I’ll drive to San Francisco/death to disco/I’ll take my shirt off/I’ll swim to Mexico/don’t tell the mermaids where I’m goin’” I won’t tell the mermaids a thing, Beck. See you in Mexico.

In conclusion: buy the album. I recommend spending the extra five or seven dollars on the deluxe edition. The regular CD is the first thirteen tracks in a standard jewel case, but for a little extra you get a 52-page hardcover book with the lyrics, pictures of Beck and original art by Marcel Dzama, the aforementioned CD but with the seven bonus tracks (remixes are “Girl” (Octet remix), “Broken Drum” (Boards of Canada remix), “Still Missing” (Roykopp remix of “Missing”) and “Fax Machine Anthems” (Dizzee Rascal remix of “Hell Yes”)) AND a DVD with the entire album remixed in 5.1 with a visual mix made for each track by the British video artist D-Fuse, random interesting photos and two music videos for “E-Pro” and “Black Tambourine”.
More info on Beck.

3.29.2005

I've seen the Future...

...and, boy, it's rough.


DOVA
Real acting only occurs when the actor is wearing a cape.

Also:

The Nine Inch Nails listening party on Sat. (where the new album would be played in full) has become something more. It is now to be hosted by Trent Reznor. Any suggestions on something awkward/illegal to do to him/in his presence?

3.22.2005

Lysistrata: The Musical
(formerly Women of Athens)
April 7th to April 24th at TADA Theatre
15 W. 28th Street


Showtimes
Thurs. 4/7 8pm
Fri. (my parents are going to this one) 4/8 8pm
Sat. 4/9 8pm
Sun. (matinee) 4/10 3pm
Mon. (press) 4/11 8pm
Thurs. 4/14 8pm
Fri. 4/15 8pm
Sat. 4/16 8pm
Fri. 4/22 8pm
Sat. (i believe will is coming to this one) 4/23 8pm
Sun. (matinee) 4/24 3pm

Tickets
Tickets are $21 ($15 for students & children)
Phone: (888) 868-4444
On Line: Lysistrata: The Musical

3.15.2005

ANNOUNCEMENT

All you idiot heathen pigs: Go here and prepare to get mind fucked by my philosocock.

Also, I was informed yesterday that my Le Petit Ecolier commercial is on TV. It was spotted during a show called "Extreme Makeovers" around 8:30 PM. I am an animated cookie with a French accent. I also happen to play said cookie in the aforementioned commercial.

3.09.2005

Sometimes in life, you have to choose sides. It's time for all of you to make your choice...


Are you the black man or the inflatable penguin the black man has his dick in? Think about it.

3.02.2005

And now I'm gay...

http://www.gaypimp.com/mvideo.html

Watch both videos. Be gay...in the most hetero sense this footage allows.

Also, did any of you fags check out the G.I. Joe PSA's? Well then fuck off. Your fucking loss.