10.18.2006

To my "friends".

10.18.06
5:10 PM
I took a short nap today and it was fucking awesome.
I went to work at 4:30 today and when I stepped outside to head over, I noticed that the weather was perfect. No, wait…Perfect. Yes, Perfect, with a capital “P”.
It was so Perfect that it brought back every memory of every Perfect day I have ever had in my life, climatically speaking.
Days in Central Park mostly, although a few in Florida popped up as well.
I smiled a six year old’s smile and dug it. Dug it xmax.
On a less Perfect note: myspace.
I have several friends. Some friends I consider closer than others. Some people started off as friends of friends and then became friends. I don’t need to explain this.
People I see on a regular basis I usually consider close friends, although there are some friends I see once or twice every few months, and yet they are closer than these friends I see on a weekly or even bi-weekly basis. Then there are the acquaintances. I consider these people the friends of my friends that I never became friends with. Are you still following my gravy train (avec biscuit wheels) of thought? There are people I hung out with who hung out with other people. It’s these other people I am talking about. I don’t hate these people, or even strongly dislike them for that matter, but I certainly don’t consider them my friends and in some cases, I don’t really know them very well at all. They are friends of my friends who never became anything more or less.
Now, in the case of NEW friends of my friends, there is still a very real possibility they might become my friends if my friends and their friends and I continue to hang out together, but in the case of the friends of my friends in college, for instance? That ship has pretty much sailed. You had four years to get to know me, to befriend me, if you will.
Now, I’m sure the smarter among you can see where this is going, but for the friends of my friends’ friends, let me break it down:
As it relates to myspace, I now have these aforementioned “other people” sending me highly coveted and seldom awarded “friend requests”.
I was just then being facetious.
I wonder if there was ever a moment, even the briefest shimmer of an instant when this meant something, ANYTHING to anyone before it became as unimportant and banal as deleting dick enlargement spam from your inbox.
I wonder if anyone out there over the age of twelve really believes that when someone sends you a “friend request” that they care about you as much as friends are supposed to.
I wonder of anyone still (or ever) gives a second thought before sending out dozens of these nonexistent, meaningless “friend requests” a day.
Don’t misunderstand, if I was someone’s acquaintance in school or at some other point in my life, sure, send me a “friend request”, but if you were a friend of my friend who knew my thought them and didn’t really hang out with me unless they were around because in reality you didn’t really like meat all, why the fuck would you send me a “friend request”? So that all the names on your friends’ “friend list” match up with yours?
Fuck that.
You don’t want to be my friend. You could have done that easily back when we were hanging out with the same people for the better part of four years (college) or six years (high school). You want the poor, bored bastards who trawl the Internet at three o’clock in the morning waiting for their Hentai to download so they can bust their greasy nut and go to sleep to see your “friend list” and fucking balk. You want them to say, “437 friends?! I don’t even KNOW that many people!” Chances are that you don’t either though.
You don’t know them, but they’re your “friends”. They leave comments and messages and blogs and they all know you and love you.
You’ve certainly met them all face to face and had long-lasting, meaningful relationships with them.
You’ve read all their journal entries, you share all their interests and you know everything there is to know about them.
In fact, you probably know them so well that you don’t even NEED to see them face to face or even talk to them on the phone! You know them so well that you can just click and clack on your keyboard and that relationship just gets stronger and more meaningful with each and every click of the mouse.
Hey, you profile picture and the song you have on your page say it all. We were meant for each other.
I fucking loathe what things like myspace have done to human relations. Myspace has actually managed to make the word “friend” mean less. That is fucking amazing.
Sure, you can now hang out with people you didn’t hang out with in high school, but what the fuck for? If you really wanted to see someone, you’d see them. If you really wanted to talk to them, you’d call them. You wouldn’t have to Google their goddamn user ID and cross reference it with their AOL screen name. And DO NOT mumble any weak shit about how it takes so much time and effort to keep in touch with people when your spending HOURS of your life pimping out your fucking blog.
Myspace has made it even easier to not give a shit about people.
Just “click”, now you’re my friend and I don’t have to do anything else.
It’s depressing, but then again, it’s where we’re headed.
I can bitch and bitch and post my angry little entries right here on myspace AND the underappreciated and Amish-by-comparison LiveJournal and the best part is that no one will ever read it.
Why would you? You’ve got more “friend requests”, e-cards, e-vites and video posts to make.
Well, prove me wrong “friends”. All you people on whose periphery I was when you knew me as a flesh and blood person and not as a picture, screen name and headline, read this and tell me why I’m your friend. Why the fuck do you want a whiny, hypocritical, Luddite, spastic ganglo-freak as your friend? Is it because you’re trying to rival that unspeakable techno-twat Tila Tequila? (If that is the case, by the way, kill yourself) How about I just assume so until you prove me wrong.
If you prove me wrong, excellent, I will hopefully find in you a new friend and our surface relationship that we’ve had thus far can deepen into something that means something.
If not? Fuck it. It isn’t like I’ve seen you in years, ever see you now or plan to see you ever again. You’re not even going to read this because it’s more than a paragraph, you lazy anus.
True friendship matters to me.
A true friend is more valuable than anything in this world.

10.17.2006

PMDG to see TMBG

Yo. I just found out that They Might Be Giants are playing at Southpaw in Brooklyn on Saturday, December 16th at 4pm (kid show) and 8pm (adult show). Since I haven't seen them in so long, I'm going to both. The shows are $25 each and tickets and info are here. I'm going to have a great time no matter what, but if anyone wants to see me have a great time, you should come.
Rock on.

Put Your Hand Near The Bug (we are so much like him)

10.17.06
3:36 PM

The Rite of First Refusal

Prepare the tear-stained cannons.
Fire sorrow in salute.
Dark and brooding; the candles’ flames are blue.
The rain stings your face.
Sharpen the dolorous dagger.
Bring your tears as offerings.
Your reward will be dissatisfaction.
Uncertainty.
Sleeplessness.
Regrets and questions.
Unasked and unanswered.
Unimportant and unremarkable.
The silence heard is yours.

I found out today I was put on hold for a booking. What that means is that I should keep the day of the shoot (10/25) open. Usually, the term used is “on hold”, but today I was told that I had “the right of first refusal” for this thing. That got in my head. It sounded awesome and archaic, like something inscribed on the inside of a sacrificial victim’s skull. Then I thought, what if it was “rite” instead of “right”? Then I wrote this.
I don’t write poetry well. I remember something I wrote in 8th grade or so…it was so laughably terribly ATROCIOUSLY bad is gives me goosebumps to this day. I think there was only that one though, a fact for which I am VERY grateful.
One of the only things worse than bad poetry, in the literary world, is bad poetry that you yourself have written.

10.14.2006

All the B-boys are naked…and the hot tub’s looking real dope.

10.13.06
9:40 PM
Went to Best Buy to get all 11 “Friday the 13th” movies but the collection (1-8) was $64 and the only other one they had was “Freddy Vs. Jason”.
It was all or nothing for me, but even I wouldn’t pay $64 for those pieces of shit.
I found them on Amazon for like $47 plus all the others for $6.97 each, I shit ye not.
I might reconsider since they are so bad.
I think what I really need is a financial advisor to slap me when I come to him with potential expenditures like this.
Disposable income indeed.

10:23 PM
I am currently pumping the “Sexxlaws” single. It has a remix and it is funky. In fact, it has put me in the mood to quote and then expand upon a joke that I made up based on the quote that I think is funny-poos.

First, the quote:
“Brief encounters in Mercedes-Benz
Wearing hepatitis contact lens
Bed and breakfast getaway weekends
With Sport Illustrated moms”

Now, it goes without saying that this is an excellent line, period.
However, Beck has a habit of sort of slurring his words, blurring letters into something they were never intended to be and a word might come out sounding different than how it is written.
For example, in the above quote, “brief encounters” comes out sounding like “beef encounters”. I know it is “brief encounters”, but every time I think of the context of the song and then insert “beef encounters”, I fucking lose it. I love to sing it as such.
I think you should try it too; it will brighten up your day.
“Beef encounters in Mercedes-Benz”
Brilliant.
Also, the cover of the Sexxlaws single portrays Beck and some chick in their underwear sitting on a bed. You can see her boob.
It rocks.

10.13.2006

The Pun'kin Patch

10.12.06
9:32 PM
Had two auditions today, one just fine and the other was a gem.
What I thought was to be a voiceover turned out to be an on screen.
Good thing I am always camera ready.
The Twinings (pronounced TWINE-ings) thing turned out to be a lot more rocking than I expected. I picture some soft faux-British accent whispering about how soothing their teas are.
I have GOT to learn to stop underestimating the tea companies.
Twinings is introducing something called “Options”, which appear to be a set of flavored teas.
I really don’t know.
The plot of the commercial is a woman (Stacey) goes on a speed dating thing and meets several types of guy, each with a flavor of tea on a sign on their chest. There was a Black guy, a Latino guy, a fireman, an older guy and a bunch of others. Basically, all of them have something wrong with them except for the last guy who is listed as the “good looking guy”.
I was brought in as…the really tall guy.
BUT
It was much more than the typical “be tall” audition. I was brought in and the camera chick was playing the girl. I was a bad choice for Stacey because I constantly brought everything back to my height. In other words, I got to improv and it went great. The director and the camera chick seemed to dig it.
I know in the end that no matter HOW good it felt, it really has more to doing with the color of my hair, but whatever the result, it was an awesome audition.
The one later on was some breathy, vaguely European perfume ad.
L’Occitane en Province.
It went well, but it was more straightforward.
Whatever.
Probably smells like the vaginas of French prostitutes.
I’ll take two.
After that I swung by Best Buy and picked up the second season of Harvey Birdman and the re-release of Depeche Mode’s “Songs of Faith and Devotion”, my favorite album of theirs. They have been suping up and re-releasing a lot of their older albums. They are all remastered and come with a DVD with the album in 5.1 with bonus tracks, remixes, b-sides etc. Also each album comes with a documentary about the making of and touring for that particular album. It is very well done. Apparently this album almost ended Depeche Mode because of all the crazy shit going on at the time. I also learned that Flood produced this album. I should have known by the feel of it.
After SOFAD he worked on a little project called “The Downward Spiral” with Trent Reznor.
My next project (in the world of video games) is to finish Resident Evil 4 on super fucking hard mode. I expect trouble ahead…
And, last night I checked out “Click”. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. I’d say there was maybe a good solid half hour of funny scattered throughout the movie, but that’s about it.
Be forewarned.
Again I find myself listening to “The Information”.
If you haven’t already, fucking buy it.
Fucking buy it and then fucking make your own album art.
I am about 100 pages or so into the new King book. It is one of the most adult things he has ever written and it’s weird. Very mature. The writing is sooo much better than “The Ruins”, but I’m a huge fan of King and that is a little unfair.
But “The Ruins” is pretty bad.
So are “The Runs”.
You know.
Liquid poop.
Chocolate water.
Hershey squirts.
Also, I just now heard a VERY stereotypical Hispanic gentleman threaten someone with a switchblade…jokingly?
*Sigh*
There were so few stereotypes in Oregon…just a bunch of fragrant hippies.
I can handle the hippies.
I can dig the hippies.
I groove with the hippies.
And if I didn’t think that potheads were worthless crab scabs on the rotten testicles of society, I’d probably join them.
I like Phish.
I’ve heard a song or two by the Happy Dead…no, that’s not it…the Groovy Dead?
Eh. Whatever.
Fucking hippies.
Get a goddamn job.

10:14 PM
Just realized that tomorrow is Friday the 13th.
I feel like celebrating it.
Anyone up for watching all eleven “Friday the 13th” movies?
It’s all or nothing people, no flaking.
You pussies.
You make me sick.
Go fucking smoke up with the hippies.
Douchebags.
Organic granola douchebags.

10.12.2006

I Am A One-Armed Duck Fucker.

10.11.06
4:57 PM
Yesterday Ray was handed a copy of Lisey’s Story, the new as-yet-to-be-released Stephen King book. He has lent it to me. That fucking rocks.
I am going to do my best to give away as much of the book as I can at the talkback on the 24th (the actual release date of the book).
In other news, I have started filming my second short films collection. It is tentatively titled “Donation”.
Once I have finished filming and editing them, I must wait for my DVD burner to be returned to me by the HP fucktards over in Cali. Then the heads will roll.
I am speaking literally about the heads.
Tomorrow I have an audition for Twinnings, the British Tea Company. I am very excited because not only do I use their product, I support it wholeheartedly.
I think that will come through in the audition.
Their Earl Grey is delicious.
You should try it.

5:31 PM
Ray just got invited to participate in a make your own Doritos commercial contest for the Super bowl by the people he did the Yahoo! Spot for. He and I are going to win this. You just wait.

7:54 PM
When I have to be, I can be pretty funny.
Funny and marketable.

10.09.2006

10.09.06
7:03PM
I got on a plane at 11:55 pm in Portland, Oregon, and I got off at 8:10 am in New York.
No fun.
However, the trip rocked stones.
The H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival received about 225 film submissions.
Fifty were chosen to be screened.
We got best short film and dominated.
It was pure excellence.
After the screening, total strangers were coming up and praising me like a Fatboy Slim song. This festival was good for my withered ego. I’m still unsure but this definitely helped.
Also, Lauren and I had some of the best brunch ever eaten.
I took pictures.
And I got some rare vinyl while I was there.
I now have a finished copy of the movie too (complete with bloopers, behind the scenes stuff and production stills of me in my underwear), so some time (if anyone gives a shit) we can watch it.
I am still feeling pretty fucked up and looking forward to sleep so…yeah.
Very good stuff.
Much better than Philly in July.
Right now I am unwinding with Beck and pondering some Su Doku since I can’t handle “The Ruins” right now. I’m only about 50 pages in but the writing isn’t very good.
ALSO
Big news, Binding Silence will be at the New York Horror Film Festival on Sunday, October 22nd at 3pm. I would love for people to come out and see it. I think tickets are $15 (for a block of films, not just mine). Since not many people read this, I’ll probably be letting people know about this individually, but if you want to be a bit more autonomous, you lazy, infected whore douche go here and buy your tickets for the NYHFF.

10.02.2006

Snickerpuss

10.02.06
10:36 PM
Goodness gracious, all those zeros in the date…I feel like I am in the future.
Found out last night that Binding Silence was accepted into the New York City Horror Film Festival. It runs October 18th through the 22nd at Tribeca Cinemas (54 Varick St.) . How fucking awesome is that?
Prepare to be penetrated New York City…
God I hope they don’t think I suck.
See, with instances in which I actually “act”, I can never tell if what I’m doing is good or not. I mean I don’t think I’ve really done any acting in any of my commercial things, but when I was in theatre at Fordham and now with Binding Silence, I can’t tell if I’m doing good or not. When people I know tell me it’s good, it’s nice to hear, but there’s always uncertainty. I think going to the Lovecraft thing with total strangers seeing the film with be a telling experience. And hopefully it will tell me what a part of me has always believed…I am the shit.

Tomorrow (after a Disney VO audition) I am going to pick up the new Beck (and possibly Thank You For Smoking and the second season of Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law if they are out). I have had a chance to listen to it a few more times and I think this album is going to prove to be one of his best. So far I like it better than “Guero”. “Guero” had a bunch of good songs, but “The Information” has a more cohesive feel to it. I dig that.
Also, my folks sent me some Japanese White Sauce from Kobe steak house in Florida. I am planning on celebrating soon at Benny Hana’s.
I think that is all.