5.28.2010

VERY IMPORTANT

5.28.10
3:55 pm
VERY IMPORTANT.
IN PUBLIC THERE IS NO WAY TO SURREPTITIOUSLY SMELL YOUR ARMPITS.
NO. WAY.
ESPECIALLY ON THE SUBWAY.
You bunch of smelly ass retards.
Okay, that's enough information, I think.
Last night I was happily surprised to see the HTDA site got all updated.
Give it away.
Nice.
Of course, I FOILED their stupid plan to give their music away for free by buying a t-shirt AND a poster.
HAH! FREE?! HAH! FUCK GOATS! MORE LIKE $53! HAH!
And I have no idea where I am even going to put that poster...
There was also a limited edition (only 120 IN EXISTENCE!!!), hand-silk-screened etc etc t-shirt for $50, but by the time I'd found out about it, it was sold out.
Would I have bought a fifty dollar t-shirt of the band one of my favorite musicians is now in...?
.
.
.
.
Well, since the shirt was already sold out, I suppose I'll never have to answer that question, now will I?
Nosy.
This manner of distribution is totally the way to go.
Now I'm just going to be antsy for four days, rather than four weeks.
Fool bag.
Also, Gary Coleman died.
That sucks.
The Funzo episode of the Simpsons with him is just great.
"He's a few prawns short of a galaxy..."
Classic.
Last night (because the new season is starting next week and because it's been crouching there on my Desktop for about a year) I watched the final episode of the second season of True Blood.
Forgot how fun and ridiculous that show is.
Beck's on the new soundtrack coming out June 8th.
He's a busy little muffin as of late with the whole Record Club, showing up on 'Maniac Meat', the True Blood thing and the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack as well.
Way to go, Mr. Hansen.
Keep it up.
Maybe an album?
Finally, and, most importantly, I have started a Twitter account: @guido_paparazzi
It's...pretty important, like I said.
At the moment, I'm following Kevin Smith, Murdoc Niccals, Nine Inch Nails, Trent Reznor and How To Destroy Angels.
Those last three...they kind of dovetail, you know?
I think Will has a Twitter page, although I might not comment on that all that often.
I also have a feeling that he might not become a Follower of mine either.
Might.
I joined it solely so I can be eligible for a HTDA contest thing happening this Sunday, so you probably won't hear from me again.
1. Because I don't have a portable Internet device.
2. Because nothing ever happens.
3. Because 140 characters can suck the shit from my ass.
I do support the push for brevity, as it is the soul of wit, but I'm pretty goddamn witless, if you've ever met me or read this journal, so Twitter is sort of antithetical to my nature, but I do not support the push for further despoiling and degradation of the English language.
And I've got a funny feeling that 98% of Twitter users don't know what 'brevity', 'wit' or 'Shakespeare' are.
Such is life.
As Christina will be massively busy for most of this long weekend, I plan to play some video games, yes I do.
I haven't actually done so in about two weeks, as I've been busy with other stuff.
But I have a tiny, and very American, conundrum: I have FOUR unopened games waiting for me.
Borderlands, God of War 3, Bioshock and Red Dead Redemption*.
I think I might power up that last one as it's currently what people are discussing on these podcasts, and that always gives me a little (sad) thrill, to hear people talking about things I'm also talking about.
It's like...being the really shy, quiet person in a conversation.
Something I don't do anymore.
Or I might throw on some Uncharted 2 multiplayer.
I'm this close to level 50; which means absolutely nothing important.
7:00 pm

So, some people have asked**, with all my complaining about what the bands I like aren't doing, what, exactly, I would like them to be doing.
Well I am NOTHING if not responsive to my (not real) readers.
Here goes:
Nine Inch Nails
Reznor has said that How To Destroy Angels is going to be putting out a full length album in early 2011. This EP coming out Tuesday is basically to get people interested. As the Wired article said that one song (The Believers) took them about seven and a half days from start to finish, a twenty tracks album should take them a little less than four months, give or take.
As I've already listed, I'd like him to move onto:
The Deluxe Fragile re-issue, the Wave Goodbye concert video, Year Zero 2 and the next Ghosts.
And I'd like that before 2013, thanks.
They Might Be Giants
Pull back on the kid's stuff for a bit.
I know you're making phat munny, but you're isolating your adult fans.
They've spoken about a new (adult) album coming soon that should harken fans back to their much earlier work.
Excellent, couldn't ask for anything more.
Maybe have the album be longer than 40 minutes?
And some more Album Shows.
I'd love to hear John Henry with a full horn section.
Eels
I would just love to see 'Tomorrow Morning' not follow the theme of 'Hombre Lobo' and 'End Times', or, if it must, that it comes out and, soon after, E announces a new chapter in his musical life, a chapter full of interesting collaborations with fun artists and some great, thick, dense new music.
I'd also like the live show to be more involved.
The fact that he's playing Terminal 5 (where I've seen both NIN and Cake) seems to indicate a larger set up...I hope.
Beck
I want a new album from Beck.
I want it to make Midnite Vultures look like Sea Change.
God damn would that be hot...
I'd also like him to do a Record Club for an album I know and love, maybe something by They Might Be Giants or Eels or Nine Inch Nails or...
Cake
Release that motherfucking album and then the live album you promised in 2007 AND THEN, as penance for being so fucking reticent and unproductive for the past half fucking decade, an album, a GOOD album, every year for three years.
Then you can fuck off and bitch about the environment and politicians all you want...for another two years, then another album.
Until the first new album comes out, no more using your BAND website for NON-BAND RELATED news.
After the first new album and live album are released, you can put up ONE NEWS ITEM A WEEK that does not pertain DIRECTLY to your new music or your touring schedule.
All right.
I declare this BitchFest....closed.

* I wasn't lying Will. Between the time we talked and Wednesday afternoon, two podcasts and every review for it have brought this game from 'not on my radar' to 'my face'.

** Not true.

5.27.2010

THIS is how you do it

Fuck yes.

Whoagina!!!


5.27.10
3:55 pm
Quite a bit of music rambling today, so, if you're deaf...heh heh heh...the pillow talk was a bitch...Jesus...
Anyway, you might want to tune out.
First off, it turns out at least one of my predictions for the new eels album, "Tomorrow Morning", has come true as they posted the cover art and tracklisting last night.
The album will have 14 tracks.
And, something about the tracklisting makes me think my vision about all the songs being spares is also true.
Whereas the majority of the songs on "End Times" (the one about E's personal apocalypse with this girl) were all about how horrible life is without this girl and how there's no point in living anymore and how could this happen to me and no one should be happy and HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!, the titles (haven't heard a note of the new one, but that's why they're called predictions and not postdictions) of the new one are ridiculously optimistic and twee.
Titles like "Spectacular Girl", "I Like The Way This Is Going", "In Gratitude For This Magnificent Day", "Looking Up", "This Is Where It Gets Good" and "I'm A Hummingbird".
Now, I mentioned these song titles to Chris last night, and she suggested they were probably tongue-in-cheek, as E tends to be all the time, but, based on the simple, straightforward nature of the last two albums (of which this one is, again, the third and final installation), I fear they might be just as straightforward and just as deep as their titles.
And that blows.
See, it blows because, way back in 1998, eels put out "Electro-Shock Blues", which was all about E dealing with the personal apocalypse of pretty much his entire family dying and his being left all alone in the world and it was fucking amazing.
It was bittersweet, thickly layered with all types of great melodies, instruments, styles and, the best part, it wasn't a huge downer, it had hope laced throughout.
And it wasn't obvious.
It's truly a fantastic work.
And, at the end of it, pretty much everyone, including E thought he was going to kill himself.
Then, he released "Daises of the Galaxy"; sonically, it was (mostly) airy and simple, acoustic guitars and not much else at times, the lyrics, however, were as double sided as ever, this album was about hope and the future, but it addressed that there might be trouble on the horizon: you just never know.
The overall feeling was about how things are getting better and he's going to be okay.
ESB was him dealing with the tragedy and Daises was him moving on with his life, scarred, limping, but looking toward the future and what it might hold for him.
So, you see, he's done the "crushing apocalypse/things might get better" album set before, but better.
People were actually comparing "End Times" to "Electro-Shock Blues".
I'll agree, as long as we're talking about the fact that both are written in and regarding dark times in E's life, but that's it.
Listening to ESB is like living parts of his life, seeing into his soul and watching him relive these tragedies as they happen in his mind, again and again. Hearing his inner-most thoughts and then watching him put on a stone face and make snide comments about some aspect of this, trying to distract people from what he's really feeling.
Listening to "End Times" is like trying to have a conversation with someone while the drunk guy at the end of the bar is telling you how shitty his life is now that's he's divorced; some times he's mumbling, sometimes he's crying, sometimes he's yelling, but the whole time you wish he'd just shut up or change the script.
So, as I said before, I don't hold a lot of hope for "Tomorrow Morning", as I fear it's going to be a pale, wispy shadow of "Daises of the Galaxy" just as "End Times" was a pale, wispy shadow of "Electro-Shock Blues".
The only up side if I'm, sadly (I obviously don't want the album to suck...), right, at least this trilogy of errors will be over and E can move on, although I doubt we're going to see another period of productivity from him for a while.
Man, it's always a catch 22: you get a great album every five years or three sub-par ones in a year and a half.
I've just had a realization: As impatient as I am, I would rather have a great, instant classic album every four years or so than a meh-fest once a year.
I do not want all my favorite bands to become Prince.
Okay, next, I was alerted today on Beck's site that he guests on the new Tobacco album, "Maniac Meat".*
Tobacco is what I shall call "dirty dick dance music".
It's the music you put on when you've been in your house for about a week without a shower, your entire body is covered with a light sheen of grease and you've gone out of your mind.
You'd hear it at a strip club where the girls, while very attractive, are all missing toes or wearing prosthetic limbs.
And you can't turn it down because there's semen on the knob.
THAT is Tobacco.
I dug their most recent album, "Fucked Up Friends" very much because I'd never heard anything like it. It was so well done and compelling and filthy.
What they're doing to music should be illegal.
The new one isn't as great as FUF (although I'm not totally though it yet), but it's still hard not to want to slip my penis into the pockets of strangers while listening to it.
I highly recommend it for the next time you're having sex in a bathroom stall.
And finally, because we're all angry and tired here: turns out the thing that HTDA was teasing us with was its involvement in Wired's first iPad issue.
In the (non-electronic) paper version, there was an article about how the band constructed their song "The Believers". If you got the iPad edition, you could hear the song while reading the article.
Oh Trenty sure loves his technology!!!!!!
Minutes after this came out, someone had hacked the thing and put the mp3 up on a torrent site.
Unlike what I had expected, it does NOT sound very much like the other two tracks from the EP OR even all that Nine Inch Nails-y (except for the marimbas).
Some Beck-ish aspects about it at times, actually.
It sounds like electronic ceremonial Aztec music.
One could cobble a video together with selected scenes from "Apocalyptico" and scenes from episodes of "Big Love" that take place on the Compound, maybe some Waco footage thrown in for that "real" edge.
It has a hypnotic beat which works very well with the cultish, mantra-like lyrics.
The vocals are husked, barely audible over the clanging, by Mariqueen, and, even more barely audible, breathed by Reznor.
It's not my favorite track off the EP (of which they've put out half, in various formats, in the past month), but that doesn't worry.
This is a fun little project and (duh) I'm looking forward to hearing the full album from these folks.
All right, I think that's about it.
Now I'm going to sit quietly and try not to commit a hate crime on the most annoying person in this universe.
WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!
LOLLERSKATES!!!!!111!!1
KTHXBYE!!!!!
  
*Maybe one of the best album titles I've heard all year, and the album art goes right along with it.

5.26.2010

Bangs


5.26.10
3:32 pm
By which I mean to say "fringe".
Ahah ha ha.
See, I just made a British hairstyle name/J.J.Abrams sci-fi television series joke.
Ahah ha ha.
I am one episode away from the end of the second season and loving it.
Definitely making up for 'Lost'.
At the moment anyway.
Fringe isn't afraid to have actual parallel dimensions.
And, as I was hoping, they are spending the majority of these last episodes in said parallel dimension.
The only thing that boggles me is that they keep talking about the "other" side, but if we're going all Everettian on this bee hatch, then they should know there are bazillions of parallel universes.
Oh well.
Maybe that's the big reveal at the end of the season.
But, whatever the case, this is, more often than not, a solid show.
Hang on.
Fire drill. 
Okay.
Also, yesterday during lunchy poos, I received yet another summons from the hombres at Adrenalina.
They still crave my magic voice, or vox magico is the language I just made up since I do not speak Spanish.
Something about a  Caribbean Manifesto.
They was some discussion with the gents as to whether it was Cah-ri-BEE-an or Ca-RIB-ee-in.
They figured that since the company says Ca-RIB-ee-in when they answer the phone, that we should go with that.
So, yes.
Free money from a bunch of cool guys.
Good stuff.
HTDA is doing...something later today.
I will have experienced it by the time you read this (unless they haven't done it yet) and I'm a-flutter with anticipation.
I'm assuming, maybe some pre-order deal where, if you pre-order now you get another track or the video in HD or...hm...some artwork?
Whatever.
I'm stoked.
I'll juice about it later if it's worth juicing about (and probably if it's not).
KISSES AND BYE BYE!!!!!!!!

5.25.2010

Did You Rike It?

5.25.10
4:37 pm
At 12 o'clock this morning, the soundtrack to 'Tetsuo The Bullet Man' (third in the 'Tetsuo' series by Japanese director, Shinya Tsukamoto) was released in Japan.
At about 5:50 this morning, someone had ripped "Theme for Tetsuo The Bullet Man" by Nine Inch Nails and put a link to the mp3 in a message board.
At about noon, I downloaded that track.
This...is its story.
A few people had heard the track when it showed up over the credits of the film at the Tribecca Film Festival a couple of weeks ago and they had described it as a combination of two earlier works by Nine Inch Nails; the first was 'Fixed', an almost unlistenable remix album released in tandem with their super-aggro EP, 'Broken', and, what might be the best track off the massive instrumental album, 'Ghosts I-IV', 'IV Ghosts 34'.
After taking the whole thing in a few times (it's only five and a half minutes long), I can say it is MUCH more the former than the latter.
This track is very Nine Inch Nails.
It starts with what sounds like a fatal error message from a computer the size of a planet; just a ton of fucking huge, loud electronic death set to a rudimentary drum machine beat, then, suddenly, a ghostly, ethereal piano, which is shattered almost immediately by even more aggressive electronic screaming and some industrial (like industrial factory equipment) banging that somehow fits into the chaos.
Around then is when the actual theme begins.
A clear melody swallows the grinding, unpleasant noise like a tidal wave, being played on what sounds like an organ made of an ancient city.
The melody itself is epic and invocative; timeless, triumphant and sad.
And then it's gone and we're ejaculated back into the factory.
Then the cacophony disappears, replaced by an almost inaudible ambient whisper in the distance which is soon joined by the piano from before, but clear, rich and immediate this time.
The piano melody plays through once, twice and then the city-organ exhales the theme again, then silence.
It's over.
All in all, this is not for everyone.
In fact, I'd say the majority of it is so violent and abrasive it isn't for anyone.
But there's going to be a handful of people who will get and, going a step or two further, enjoy it.
And you will not be one of them.
Also, in slightly less unlistenable NIN related news, the release date for the How To Destroy Angels self-titled EP has been set.
Tuesday, July 6th.
I'll see you there*.
Not sure if I shared, but it turns out that HTDA isn't just a quick, one off hobby for Reznor before he jumps back into Nine Inch Nails, but something he's actually putting some effort into.
The EP is just a precursor to a full length album coming out in early 2011.
He said the first track released ('A Drowning') sounded more NIN-ish than he would have liked and that the rest doesn't sound as much like "his other band", but, after hearing the second release from the EP ('The Space In Between'), I've come to decide that it does, indeed, sound like NIN.
Then again, how could it not?
If "Trent Reznor is Nine Inch Nails", then how is anything he does not going to sound NIN, at least when he's in charge of writing/arranging/playing etc. the music?
He's talked about some upcoming NIN music he's working on that "doesn't sound like NIN".
I'll have to rack my brain as to what he's released that sounds nothing like anything he's released.
At the moment, the song 'All The Love In The World' is the only thing leaping to my mind.
Everything he does has the same...feel to it, the feel to the arrangement of instruments or chords or what have you.
Then again, so does everything Cake does.
Or eels or Beck.
Even Beck, who is stupidly multi-faceted, more so than Nine Inch Nails ever could be, he just makes whatever his does sound like Beck.
From 'One Foot In The Grave' to 'Midnite Vultures' to 'Sea Change'.
It isn't real folk, it's Beck doing real folk.
And so on.
Prove me wrong, Trent.
Prove me wrong.
And, quickly speaking of eels, turns out that little curmudgeony rabbit E has written a third album, completing what he started with 'Hombre Lobo' and 'End Times'.
I've learned my lesson with those first two and expect the new one to be:
  •  14 -16 tracks
  •  Between 45 to 50 minutes
  • Very light on production, instrumentation and lyrics (in general and those that rhyme)
  • Not great
Sorry, but all three albums are part of the same emotional period for E and, based on the sound and content of the first two, this is what I'm gearing up for.
Prove me wrong, E.
Prove me wrong.
The album is titled 'Tomorrow Morning' (hopeful, innit?) and is coming out August 24th.
Eels are also embarking on a world tour, the first since releasing these three albums, and eels is playing at Terminal 5 on Saturday, September 25th.
Hopefully with a fuller band than just him and the Chet, not that the show at Highline wasn't amazing, but a lot of eels music needs more than two guys, no matter how talented.
Tickets go on sale June 11th...anyone interested?
The fact that Cake and eels are playing a little more than a week apart is...mmm...good.
The kind of good that is better than that time Nine Inch Nails played a week before They Might Be Giants.
September is going to be good.
YOU HEAR ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES?!
SEPTEMBER IS GOING TO BE FUCKING GOOD!!!!
*"There" being whichever digital distribution house I purchase this non-physical release from.**
**Although it is coming out on CD.

5.24.2010

In this place you'll find...that I have lost my mind.


5.24.10
4:44 pm
You know...bees aren't really busy.
They just like to rub up against flowers.
So...busy as a bee really makes no sense.
So...stop saying it, as you are misrepresenting an entire species.
Are bees a species?
Ben Kingsley was in Species.
But he was also in Gandhi.
And Sexy Beast.
I feel like I've mentioned this before...
First things first, remember that I had said I had two songs on the bubbler?
Well, one of them was "BAILY", which more people need to hear and the other went from about 35% done to 75% done this weekend.
And it is my magnum motherfather opus.
I know I tend to...hyperbolize occasionally, NO!
NO , it's true, don't try to say it's not, I beg you...
But, there is not a hyperbolic bone in my body when I say that this song might be the best thing I've ever made.
And, like, sometimes I'll say "best" meaning, like, not REALLY the best, but more like...you know...not very god, you know?
But this is the true best.
Okay, I'm not reinstalling all the hyperbolic bones.
Ouch.
The was the most painful thing I HAVE EVER FELT EVER!!!!!!!!!!
There we go.
Aside from this song, I had an errant thought in that muddy place betwixt sleeping and waking, and I am now acting upon it.
It is going to be a lot more work than I had once thought, but it's going to pay off.
In some way.
Not money or anything, but HUGE dollops of whipped respect from a certain community.
And, now that I've mentioned it, I'll probably not do it.
We'll see...
And speaking of segues...I SEEN a bunch of stuff this weekend.
And last week!!
The first was 'Aliens Vs. Predator 2: Requiem'.
Although it probably couldn't have been worse if they'd named it 'Aliens Vs. Predator 2: WREAKQUIEM!!!!!!!'.
So...the Pralien that popped out at the end of AVP1 causes a Predator ship to crash on Earth, somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, I.
Also on the ship are eight facehuggers in glass tubes, preserved, for study or sex, by the Predators.
We see this in the first three minutes.
The next twenty are used to introduce about a dozen human in this quiet, little town and to make us care about whether or not they are eviscerated/made into wombs by Aliens or hunted/decapitated by Predators.
The only thought I had while we met the Guy Who Just Got Out of Jail But Who Has A Good Heart, his friend the Guy Who Used To Be A Troublemaker But Is Now A Cop, the Troubled Punk Teen Who Also Has A Good Heart, the Girl That Loves Him (who is a total hot slut but whom we don't get to see naked before a Predator staples her to a wall with a spear...what's the point of releasing an unrated version of a horrible movie if there's no BOOBIES?! J'ACUSE AVP2!!!! J'ACUSE!!!!!!!!!!), the National Guard Reserve (or some goddamn thing) Mom Coming Home After oh fuck it, these people are all fodder.
As I was saying before I ACTUALLY BORED MYSELF AWAY FROM THE SENTENCE, the only thought going through my head while we met these people was, "I hope they will all die horribly".
And, for the most part, I was sated.
The only cool thing about this movie was seeing what would happen if a dozen or so Aliens went apeshit crazy in a small town in America while being tracked by a solitary Predator.
Guess what?
Lots of people die.
The "bad guy" is the matured Pralien.
Which looks like a big goddamn Alien, but with mottled tan skin like a Predator.
Aside from being mucho ugly, this thing has somehow evolved the ability to slam it's mouth over that of pregnant women and pump offspring directly into their bodies via their throats.
I'm not kidding.
It was pretty gross.
Then they birth three at a time, rather than one.
It's messy.
In the end, the Government fucking nukes the town (way to go), the Predator and Pralien impale each other on sharp things and the Guy Who Just Got Out Of Jail (played...hm...not "well"...not..."horribly"...just played then, by White Sean from Rescue Me), his brother, the Mother who blah blah and the Daughter of the Mother make it out alive.
The very end is some government dude bringing a Predator laser weapon to some Asian chick who says, "The world isn't ready for this technology" and then the government dude says (WITH THE WORST DELIVERY OF A LINE OF THIS TYPE CAN HAVE!!!!!), "But this isn't for...this world, is it, Ms. Yutani (the "Yutani" from "the Company")?".
And then the movie ends.
And it's awful.
One other thing that was pretty awesome; at the beginning, the first two Alien Wombs were a father and son (like 10 or 11 years old) hunting.
I was thinking they would pull some punches and have the kid escape...no.
Not only does he get totally facefucked, he gets cheastburst.
It set my expectations a bit high, but that didn't last long.
See, the most frustrating thing is I don't know what would make a good AVP movie.
I wish I did, but, until I do, I'ma keep ooooooon bitchin'.
Also saw 'The Invention Of Lying'.
Ricky Gervais needs a special kind of movie, and he was doing a few different things in this one, INCLUDING showing "real" sincere emotion and good acting skills at the bedside of his dying mother.
Amazing to see him do that and do it well.
I'd be interested to see him in some About Schmidt or Little Miss Sunshine dark comedy stuff, see how he does.
Meanwhile, Jennifer Garner (his opposite in this not a romcom romcom) looks like Julia Roberts less mutated child.
Not that Julia Roberts has a mutated child, that I know of, I'm just saying that Jennifer Garner looks like a less mutated Julia Roberts.
Sorry for the confusion.
And, finally, I saw the series finale of 'Lost'.
I was left feeling disappointed.
Mainly with the explanation/wrap up of the parallel universe (a concept I totally dig but seldom seen done well).
As for the rest of the plot or the "real" plot, the ridiculous behemoth that's been lumbering around in our lives for the past seven or eight years?
Unsatisfying, but, I do understand it is hard to wrap something THAT huge in a tidy little blanket.
Basically, it could have been worse, and, in the long run, it doesn't matter, it's a TV show.
It did get me to thinking about what TV shows I have watched from start to finish and gotten a real sense of satisfaction out of.
Not very many came to mind.
In fact, I think 'The Wire' may be it.
Amazing show.
Some people think it was slow, but it was building that's all; and, in the end, worth every gut-wrenching second.
'The Shield' had a solid ending but nothing that blew my mind.
Same with 'Oz'.
'Fresh Prince' was kind of gay.
The ending of 'Sopranos' was indifferent faux-art douchbaggery, not good, some people made that mistake.
It was also kind of hilarious for all those people downloading it.
The gamut of emotional responses went from pissed to confused (then a quick trip to a bunch of message boards where the phrase "There's nothing wrong with your file, that is the end of the series" was repeated lots of time) to really pissed.
Overall though, the biggest problem I have seems to be with shows that aren't "real", you know?
Cop drama, cop action drama, Will Smith vehicle, prison soap opera, organized crime soap opera...truly excellent to shit stew in my mind, as far as endings go, but 'Battlestar Galactica'?
Nope.
Hated that ending.
'Dollhouse'?
Didn't quite hate it, but walked away unsatisfied (along with the creator of the show, but you know what I mean).
I don't know, all in all, with those shows it seems to be more about the journey than the destination, but can't SOMEBODY reconcile the two?
Maybe 'Fringe', although J.J. Abrams is down one with that 'Lost' ending.
I suppose we'll see.
In your mouth.

5.19.2010

How French ARE Your Fries?


5.19.10
5:06 pm
Had my iPod on shuffle the other day, not something I usually do with 10,000 plus bits of sonic falderal ranging from audio books to stand up comics to over 1,000 random live tracks of varying quality by varying bands, but a Charlotte Gainsbourg song I'd never heard came on.
I identified it by it's sleepy piano/guitar background as being from her first album, "5:55", the one she did with Air and was about to skip it when the chorus hit and it got very interesting.
I decided, since I liked her second album so much and that I'd never really given the first one a chance, to listen to it today.
I'm a little less than halfway though and I must say it's walking a fine line between boring and subtle.
The music is quite repetitive but it's just faceted enough to keep you listening, barley.
There are some songs firmly on the other side of that thin line, but I have yet to actually skip anything.
That isn't fair.
Pretty much every song (so far) has typical Air piano and soft guitar in the background with Charlotte's high, breathy vocals on top.
There was a song about the magic of being drunk on a plane that's crashing and another using heart surgery as a metaphor for love.
I'll reserve judgment until I finish it 
7:03 pm
All right, I finished it.
Turns out, drifting back through the album after the initial listen, that there is some more stuff in these songs, but it's hiding.
A bass line here, a drum track there, but you have to work for it.
As someone who has listened to Nine Inch Nails' "The Fragile" hundreds of times in the ten plus years it's been out, I'm not going to fault the artists for asking the listener to invest some time and attention in their work.
Just as "IRM" is Beck with CG singing, "5:55" is Air with CG singing, but the more mellow Air that tends to lose me.
CG's vocals do keep it more interesting though, and she speaks (sings) English in such an interesting accent, very compelling.
And, as I had hoped, later in the album there are a few tracks with more energy and depth (and instruments) to them (one sounding like Air pretending they're Beck).
Some tracks that jump out a bit are: AF607105 (AKA the song about the magic of being drunk on a crashing airplane), Jamais, Everything I Cannot See and Set Yourself On Fire (a bonus track).
Honestly, this album makes me want to hear her other album.
At least it doesn't make me want to poop or anything, so that's good.
I watched Sherlock Holmes the other night.
Good to see Guy Richie is able to make a successful film without Cockney's saying "cunt".
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I'm so happy Robert Downey Jr. is off the stuff; he's too fun not to be an actor.
Richie is doing the sequel in...2012? So that should be good.
And the actor (excellent actor) that played the antagonist in SH, Mark Strong is playing Sinestro in the Green Lantern movie.
So at least he'll be good. 
Oh, and listen to the new George Washington Diarrhea song, "BAILY".
S'creamy.

5.17.2010

AVP AKA PWSAVCGI

classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id=ieooui>


5.17.10

Or Aliens Versus Predator Also Known As Paul W. S. Anderson Versus Computer Generated Images
Yes.
Although I had seen AVP with Phil and Jen and maybe someone else when it came out, I remembered only the stupid joke about "la luna del cacciatore" or "the hunter's moon" as the Foreign (Italian in this case) Archeologist stereotype told the Strong Black Woman stereotype.
You know, it wasn't even a joke, it was just horrible foreshadowing.
Basically, these two caricatures are riding along at night to some dig in Antarctica and the Italian guy looks out the window at the moon and says, "Ah back-ah home-ah when-ah dee mooon-ah was-ah SO beeg-ah, dey used to-ah call it 'la loona dey cacciatore!!!'".
Dr. Luigi "Giovanni" Mario then goes on to tell her that means "the hunter's moon"*.
Then they laugh and laugh...
Anyway, the movie is actually not as horrible as I made it out to be in my memory.
At least not until about three quarters of the way through.
To sum it up: the Predators have been using this area of the Earth as an Aliens hunting resort every hundred years or so (and I love that Earth actually plays such a small role).
They have a Queen in captivity who lays eggs and then the people go to this temple (which is part Aztec, part Egyptian, part Cambodian and part CUBE) and get Alien Throat Fucked.
Then they birth the Aliens (by the way, since the first movie, the time between facehugging and chestbursting has gone from hours to minutes it seems) and three Predators go a huntin'.
But this time there's people.
Uh oh.
One of those people is the Weyland (Charles Bishop Weyland) that "the Company" from the Aliens movies is named after, played by the actor who played Bishop, creating a major plot hole for later.
Thanks Paul W. S. Anderson.
Have some more initials.
What happens is pretty much what I would think would happen for a while: the Aliens go nuts and kill everybody and the Predators kill the Aliens and all humans with weapons who try to hurt them.
There is some total fan boy jizz moments when the one surviving Predator and this Alien are just beating the shit out of one another, but the CG kept getting in the way.
They still had models for the close ups and they looked better than ever, but the CG looked just awful.
And it was everywhere.
So anyway, everyone dies but the Strong Black Woman who figures out that the Predator only wants his special huntin' gun back.
She gives it to him and he doesn't kill her and that makes sense.
Now.
Here is where the problems begin.
Rather than taking his weapon and leaving her to her Strong Back fate, THEY TEAM UP after the SBW accidentally kills an Alien.
BUT, before they start their team up, initiated by the SBW telling the lone Predator "I'm coming with you", the Praetor MAKES THE SBW A SHIELD OUT OF THE DEAD ALIEN'S SKULL AND A SPEAR OUT OF ITS TAIL.
Or so Paul W. S. Anderson thinks.
Then the Predator uses his nuclear slap bracelet to blow the holy hell out of all the Aliens but one to which the SBW says, "You are one ugly mother--!" before shooting it with a shotgun.
It was the epitome of what was wrong with this movie.
It went from a passable if CGI heavy fan boy romp to a crappy buddy/action flick.
She's a stereotype, he's an intergalactic hunter...together they are...wieners.
Anyway, the holy hell gets blown out of the Aliens and, after a touching moment (thank Christ the Predator can't speak) where the Predator gives the SBW a "hunter's mark" by branding her cheek with Alien blood (which would NOT leave a slightly disfiguring scar as it did, but rather burn through to her skin, skull, brain and out the other side) the Queen bursts forth from the ground and the final fight begins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, a side note: all the animations for the Queen were taken from the T-Rex from Jurassic Park.
Do a comparison and then laugh and laugh...
Aliens lose, dead Predator gets picked up by the Mothership, SBW receives Spear of Toughness from Master Dreadlocks and is then left to die wearing a t-shirt and snow pants in the Antarctic weather.
The last shot is the corpse of the Predator birthing the coolest thing ever (in theory): The Pralien.
Not to be confused with a praline.
I plan to watch the next movie "AVP Requiem" (which involves...Mozart and/or ass-to-ass, I'm not 100% on that...) despite my conscious mind telling me it's going to blow asscock.
Again, this was NOT an awful movie until the Predator teamed up with the Strong Black Woman.
Maybe if she had been Batman would I have believed it, but no, she was not Batman.
Not even Robin.
I'll let you know.

In other news, I got me a new keyboard, this one with MIDI interfacing capabilities.
W00t.
The one song I was working on has been put on hold while the other song I'm working on just blossomed out of me last night, mostly with the help of a program called AudioMulch.
It has patches and knobs and a whole buncha shit I have no clue about, but we'll learn together, you and I.
Yes we shall.
This song...well, it might even be done tonight if I can manage to pull both my thumbs out.
It sounds much different than anything I've ever done.
Most of it anyway.
It's certainly not my best, but it's something I had to do.
And I am happy with it.

*After the movie, we went to an Italian restaurant and asked the waiter, an old Italian gentleman, what 'la luna de cacciatore' means. He said it meant 'the shoemaker's moon'.

5.14.2010

You Want Dark?

Not only does this give Mariqueen street cred with NIN fans, but they're newly weds.
Nice.
"The Spaces In Between" music video by How To Destroy Angels.

5.12.2010

The Walking CENSORED!!!

5.12.10
3:10 pm
I've been reading The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman.
It's the story of a guy named Rick and his adventures through the Zombie Apocalypse.
He's the main character and he drifts around, sometimes with a group, sometimes with just one person or whatever.
I'm in the middle of the 10th trade paperback so it's been going for quite a while.
Now, it's pretty rough.
It isn't Marvel or D.C. so they can use all the language, show all the bobbies and/or zombie slaughtering they want.
And they want, oh yes, they want.
The story isn't about, "Oh no! Zombies!!! GGGRRRAAAHHH!!!!"
Zombies are the norm; Walking Dead is about what happens to humanity when humanity dies...and comes back and starts eating you.
I was complaining to myself recently (it isn't just you that has to listen to me) that nothing really happens.
I mean, things happen; no one is really safe and they demonstrate that by having characters who have been around for months just up and die, either at the hands of the undead or some really bad humans, but there is a lot of (PUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!) dead space in the books.
Just people looking...done.
But, the end of the 9th book, something really interesting is set up (although it's so tenuous that I can't imagine anything will come of it, or if it does it will be a total cock tease) so I'm back in.
And, in the 10th book, the main character did something that actually made my jaw drop.
Then I got to thinking about the television series they're making out of The Walking Dead.
It's going to be written and directed by Frank Darabont (The Shawmuthafuckinshank Redemption) and something other guy.
But.
It's going to be on A&E.
Have any of you seen The Sopranos edited for A&E?
I have.
It isn't The Sopranos.
It's wet noodle soup.
Now, that might be unfair as The Sopranos was made for HBO, where every original series, whether about men in prison, Jersey Mafiosos or wires, is REQUIRED BY CONTRACT to have at least five sex scenes per season and ten obscenities per episode*.
So, yeah, that might not have been the best thing to sling over to A&E.
But this show is being made for A&E.
So they're not going to have curious silences when people get really made or curious, messy fade outs when people start kissing.
They're going to have people saying "What the hell?!" and "Damn it!" and "Screw you!"
And that's normal!
When you first see the shambling, rotted remains of a human EATING another human you're going to say "what the hell?!"
When you find out that the police station you were about to raid for guns, ammo and supplies has been taken over by the aforementioned manky dreadfuls, you're going to say "damn it!"
And when someone else in our party tells you that you have to shoot your son in the head because they've been bitten and will soon turn into a ravenous walking corpse, you're going to tell that person "screw you!"
If you are on A&E.
If you want to see some pretty human and accurate reactions to these situations and more...check out The Walking Dead some time.
People don't say "damn", "hell" or "screw".
Because you don't say these things in the Zombie Apocalypse.
You say other things.
And this...is going to fetter the aforementioned television series somewhat.
Frank Darabont and other guy or not, you are going to lose a LOT of the impact of this slow moving but satisfying series but putting it on A&E.
And that is why The Walking Dead television series is going to fail.
Hey A&E....prove me wrong!!!
Also, have John Hamm show up every once in a while.
Wait...that AMC.
Hm.
Well, make it happen, you're TV. 
I want to see Don Draper tear a zombie apart with his bare hands.
And eat it.
Yeah.


7:00 pm
Also, I want someone to present me with a Hip Hop or Rap album that does not ask/tell/order women to do any of the following: dance, wiggle, bounce, fuck.
Do it and I'll give you a dollar.

**************************************************
P.S. It's coming to AMC.
So.
Fuck off.
*And when I say "obscenities", I don't mean Azathoth, I mean people saying "fuck".

5.10.2010

Bite My Bag


5.10.10
3:33 pm
Yes.
Everybody can bite my fucking bag.
I had a dream in which I visited this guy (Kevin Coolridge? Cooridge? from Fringe) and he had a monkey.
I played with the monkey and it liked me.
It was excellent.
Before I dreamed I played with a monkey, I watched The Informant!.
It was as excellent as playing with the monkey.
Matt Damon did a great job at not doing his usual thing.
His little mental asides were brilliant, and, as every review mentioned, the music added an element of whimsy and fun.
Funny funn funn.
After I watched The Informant! but before I dreamed about playing with the monkey, I started to replay Uncharted 2 on Hard.
*sigh*
Is reading this as enthralling as writing this?
I'd imagine not.
This is probably like Ringu, but you die immediately and of boredom.
Would anyone like a cookie?
It has crumbly bits of butter toffee in it.
YOU like butter toffee, right?
Not quite Butter Tarts©®, I know, but only a few steps removed...
You sure?
No cookie?
Cookie cookie?
Wanty cookie?
Likey cookie?
Nummy nummy?
Bitey bitey?
Perhaps later then.
You just let me know, although I can't guarantee that there will be any cookies left.
This could be a "now or never" situation we're facing here.
Not sure though.
I suppose I could make some more, but not if you aren't going to wanty them either.
You should make your mind up now.
You either enjoy a cookie now, or you don't get one later.
This is quite a conundrum.
A Cookie Conundrum ©®.
That sounds like an awful British board game from 1978.
It was used to punish children and the au pairs looking after them as well.
Made by horrible, dry, British demons.
Evil John Cleeses.
But, back to the cookie.
If you're thinking about SAYING you want one now and just HOLDING ON TO IT for later, it won't work.
It won't.
Because there are ants poised and ready to DISSOLVE this thing in a matter of seconds if you do not.
Not that you won't have time to savor it.
You will.
You'll have time to savor the flavor.
Savor The Flavor©®.
Not much, but you will have enough.
I promise you.
Trust me.
I will allow you ample savoring time.
Butter toffee and chocolate.
Did I mention the chocolate before?
...
Hm.
No...
No!
It appears I did not.
Silly of me.
I have this bunch of selling points and I hardly speak of them at all.
Silly...
Butter toffee, chocolate, crème (not "cream", that fucking bullshit), almond shavings, hairbrush, trapeze.
Other words.
Oh how you'll enjoy this cookie!!
If you eat it now.
If not?
Dust in the wind.
Like an awful song from the 70's, the cookie will be gone forever except on collections of awful songs and cookies from the 70's.
The songs, not the cookies.
The cookies are from now, the songs from the 70's, but they will all be awful.
Like shit cookies and "Horse With No Name".
Both awful, but one from the 70's and one from now.
I am glad John Denver is dead.
I won't say these things are connected, I won't, but John Denver did not want a cookie either.
And now he is DEAD.
Sunshine on his shoulder made him happy.
Sunshine on his shoulder made ME unhappy.
And now?
He's dead and I'm not.
So what does that tell you?
Something.
Something important.
You must glean, discern, figger out this something.
And when you do, you will want that cookie.
Take it, take the cookie, TAKE IT.
Do I need this?
I'll remember your face.

4:55 pm
Anyway.
Finally watched "Aliens: Resurrection" this weekend.
Man what a different movie...
It's pretty obvious they intended the series to end with the third one, you know, based on the fact that Ripley dies, but I'm still glad they made this one.
Directed by Jean Pierre Jeunet (Delicatessen, City of Lost Children and Amelie) and written by Joss Whedon (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly and Dollhouse) this is SUCH a goddamn weird movie.
It is EXACTLY what you'd expect from a movie done by these two guys.
Whedon brings pithy one-liners (way out of character for Ripley) and the flipping of established series tenets and Jeunet brings dynamic cameras and a prevalent air of quirkiness to an sci-fi horror movie.
He also brings Ron Perlman and Dominique Pinon.
Again, I cannot stress how much this movie is the perfect hybrid of these two guys.
Christina was interested for a bit then started laughing (there are some funny moments) and then informed me that, if she fell asleep, I was to finish it because she had no interest.
This movie is nowhere near as dramatic and serious as the first three, but it's interesting as hell to see it.
Sadly, I can see why some people might have been distracted from the plot by the French midget and Ripley playing keep away with a bunch of Space Pirates (think the crew of the Serenity but rougher and with more bad language...Ron Perlman IS Jane from Firefly, except he says 'fuck' A LOT more often) on a basketball court.
The plot itself is sort of interesting: they clone Ripley from stuff left over from the prison planet in hopes of getting the Queen that was in her as well and it works.
And the Government starts making aliens and, huh, things go bad.
That's something that always bugged me about the later movies: the Company KNOWS how dangerous they are because they want them so badly, but they are NEVER prepared for them.
Granted, in this one they have the aliens in a pretty well designed cage, they are unable to smash their way out so (using intelligence rather than instinct, thanks to being part human because f the cloning process) two aliens kill a third in order to use its acid blood to melt through the floor.
THAT was unexpected, BUT, if you are going to try to weaponize these things, you have to be prepared for things like this!
Don't lock these things up together first of all and don't make the walls solid and the floor and ceiling cardboard!
Think ahead!
You know why I've never had a problem watching the Company or Government guys get mulched?
A. Because they never had a truly likeable/relatable/not-a-shit-ass character among their ranks and B. because they are fucking idiots.
You know these things lay eggs by going through your mouth, how about some fucking face armor?
That would cut these things off at the source!
And if you're going to imprison them?
Take a minute to look at them!
THEIR BLOOD IS ACID!
YOU KNOW THIS!
One nick and they burn through the floor and they're everyone's problem.
Apparently, in the future, technology AND hubris are advanced.
The big change up, aside from the intelligence these aliens are now possessed with, is that the Queen from Ripley's tum tum no longer needs to make eggs, but can birth live, grown aliens.
She does so and it is a horrific alien/human hybrid which looks pretty okay.
Oh, Ripley is also altered by the long gestation and cloning process and she is now...well, River (from Firefly), but more talkative.
And her blood is slightly acidic as well.
In the end, for once, the alien doesn't win in some sense and the remaining Space Pirates return to Earth where Ripley gets to start over, probably.
I guess we'll never know.
One thing is certain though: THERE IS NO REASON TO REMAKE ANY OF THESE MOVIES!
NO RE-BOOT, NO NOTHING!
The first three are rock goddamn solid and the fourth is an interesting enough oddity that it should be left alone.
NOTHING Hollywood could do would actually improve these (unlike Karate Kid which has always sucked).
Let them be.
Now, the hard part...I have watched all four movies, but that leaves FIVE discs of bonus stuff untouched.
Wait.
What the hell is hard about that?
I'm never going to watch them.
Maybe the hard part is accepting the fact that I'll never watch them?
Hm.
That isn't really all that hard though...
Well, I suppose there is no hard part.
For the first time ever, there is no hard part.
Praise Jebus.