4.29.2011

End of the Month Music Bitchfest - April

4.29.11
4:31 pm
 
Catchy title, eh?
I'll put some work in...
Anyway, I'm sick.
Which blows.
I've lost the Neil Gaiman voting thing (mathematically speaking, I lost it the day I started).
Which double blows hard.
And I'm going away for a wonderful weekend in upstate New York with Christina.
Which triple-dog-dare blows because I'm sick.
But I'm an optimist.
And it's in this optimistic spirit that I embody that I launch the first official "feature" of my journal thing: a monthly update on the handful of bands I enjoy and what they're up to/what I'm looking forward to etc.
Not that I've never done this before, but now I'm just going to try to do it at the end of the month.
Or maybe it'll be bi-weekly.
Or whenever Trent Reznor tweets something mysterious.
My hope is that, by setting a specific time frame for bitching about music, it'll let more time pass in which something might actually happen.
Smart, eh?
 
Anyhoodle.
First off: the Five Big Ones (also working on that title)
 
Nine Inch Nails
Every time I see the unchanged frontpage of nin.com (my homepage, naturally), I get this feeling of "something big is about to happen".
I have had this feeling for the past three months.
The only thing I know for 100% sure is that the score to "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" (which is being created by ACADEMY AWARD WINNERS©® Reznor and Ross) HAS to be out by December...because that's when the movie is coming out and I don't think Hollywood would look too kindly upon their new baby shitting the bed by not finishing it on time.
Aside from that, Reznor has said that the long, long, LONG awaited Fragile Ultimate Deluxe Xmax Edition will be out this year as well as a full length How To Destroy Angles album AND new Nine Inch Nails music.
But he's also just had a baby so...yeah.
Here's hoping the 2nd half of 2011 is just packed with NIN, HTDA and other acronymic shit involving Trent Reznor.
I pray to have something to talk about in a month's time.
 
They Might Be Giants
After almost three years of unimpressive kids stuff, They Might Be Giants has finally nailed down their new album: title, tracklist and release date.
It's called Join Us, has eighteen tracks (not fourteen, as was previously reported by the music haters at Pitchfork) and is coming out July 19th.
And, based on the first four tracks, which were released Tuesday, it is comprised of unimpressive adult stuff.*
Over the past decade, their "adult" albums have been spaced years apart because of their children's releases, the first of which, "No!", was brilliant; a return to the ingenious, dark weirdness that endeared TMBG fans to TMBG, just aimed at a different age group, but since the filthy evil of Disney Money stepped in, they've become far less interesting.
Some songs sound like encyclopedia entries set to music, which, while educational at times is not very enjoyable.
In general, all the "Here Comes " kids' albums feel a bit phoned in.
And I understand that one of these guys has a kid and the other likes food, and these albums are officially earning them a whole new generation of fans, but what about the fans that were here first?
What I'm dancing around is that, now that the adult albums are spaced farther apart, more is riding on them, because fans know yet another kids' album, along with two and a half years of kids' shows are right around the corner, and, so far, Join Us doesn't look like it's going to be a winner.
Obviously, I can't know the quality of the thing until it's out, but, unless the other fourteen tracks take some of these "sharp left turns" John Flansburgh has been talking about since this album was announced, fans look to be in for some disappointment.
 
Eels
After releasing three fair to good albums in the space of about sixteen months (Hombre Lobo, End Times and Tomorrow Morning), Eels gets a pass. 
No rancor, no snark.
They did what I'd love for all my favorite bands to do: drop three albums in a year and a half, then do a huge world tour to mix and match the best songs from each.
I was so content with what E had done that when he announced another world tour starting June 2011, I was just tickled pink.
They'll be coming to the Williamsburg Music Hall at the end of July (the 29th and 30th, to be exact) and I will happily brave the Hipster Scum to see them perform.
Maybe I'll even wear my "This Is What Cool Looks Like" shirt to show these black-clad cock-pads a thing or two.
Or maybe I'll just punch one in the dick.
Whatevs.
And, although I'd love new music from Eels, I completely understand if he just toured and didn't release another album until mid or late 2012.
See? I'm not always a grumpy, greedy asshole.
 
Cake
These fucking hippy fucks...
Just kidding.
After having seen them last week and having come to fully appreciate the seven good tracks on their latest album, Showroom of Compassion, I can confidently say that I'm ready for a new Cake record.
Here's the deal...while the seven good tracks on Showroom are good...seven good tracks after seven years is really not enough for me.
Maybe after three, three and a half years, but not after seven.
Some good news, John McCrea (lead singer) says the band doesn't really like touring (but they're certainly willing to grudgingly choke down our awful fast-food-and-carbon-monoxide-stinking money) and, now that their solar-powered-circle-jerk studio is complete, they plan to record and release a new album soon, maybe even this year!
And I'll certainly buy it when it comes out later this year in 2018.
You fucking hippy fucks.
Honestly guys, release that double live album you were talking about back in 2008 and we can be friends again...
P.S. I expect the remainder of this year's Cake updates to be old school, hate-and-fury-fueled fuckrants.
Jonathan Edwards style.
You have been warned.
 
Beck
Yeah, where the fuck has he been?
I had forgotten just how long ago his last proper album, Modern Guilt, came out.
2008.
Jesus.
And what has he been doing since?
  • Beck's Record Club (where him, his band and some musical friends (Sonic Youth, Nigel Godrich, Wilco, St. Vincent, B.B. King etc.) all get together and, in a day, record an entire album by someone else (The Velvet Underground, INXS, Leonard Cohen, Yanni) then release it for free, accompanied by an in-studio video of the recording, track by track
  • The score for Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, including all the music for Sex Bob-Omb, Scott Pilgrim's band
  • Producing/co-writing/co-singing/et cetera on a bunch of shit like Charlotte Gainsbourgh's IRM (amazing), Jamie Lidell's Compass, Tobacco's Maniac Meat (weird), Thurston Moore's new album (meh) and (perhaps the one I'm most looking forward to) The Lonely Island's Turtleneck and Chain (I'm hoping the track he's on, "Attracted To Us", is pure, sweaty Midnite Vultures)
  • Writing songs for vampire related movies and TV shows like "Let's Get Lost" from the Twilight: Eclipse soundtrack and "Bad Blood" from the True Blood season 3 soundtrack
  • Interviewing famous people about, literally, nothing on his web site. People such as Will Farrell, Dimitri Martin, Caetano Veloso and others.
  • Making crazycool and massively eclectic mix tapes, also on his web site (they're in a section called Planned Obsolescence and there are about twenty so far, each forty five minutes or so)
  • Some art thing called "colorspace" (which I know very little about) also on his site
Does all this stuff equal about three years of no new Beck album? Yeah, I guess, except that, in an interview last year, he said he had a brand new album ready to go. It was called Rococo and was going to be released "I don't know, maybe just for free on my site" (as his record contract had ended) in the summer of 2010, but then some other band (The Hives? The Killers? The Streaks? The Stains? One of those guys...) released an album with a song called "Rococo" on it and Beck changed his mind. He's another one who, I feel, is about to drop some science on us.
Strangely, I'm most looking forward to the new Beck, as everything this guy does has a lot of pure gold on it.
Next to David Bowie, I maintain that Beck is the funkiest white man alive.
 
So, those were the big five, as it were.
I'm also looking forward to some new Garbage (Manson says there should be something by summer, and it's about fucking time), the new Other Lives (coming out May 11th), the new Lonely Island (also May 11th), some new St. Vincent (apparently she has been doing an album with David Byrne as well as writing a follow up to "Actor"), the new Marilyn Manson (I'm a glutton for punishment, what can I say? Manson says "it's death metal" and Twiggy says "it's a punked out Mechanical Animals", both of which are far too tantalizing to pass up) and...hm, that might be everything.
Hopefully, I'll have some more info on each of these as more info appears and reviews of the new Other Lives (Tamer Animals) and the new Lonely Island, although I could probably review it now: very funny the first dozen times, then, slightly, less so.
All right.
This bitchfest is over.
Go in Peace to Love and Serve Skeletor.
 
 
 
 
 
 
* See my bitchy, scathing review for more details.**
 
** Probably more than you want.

4.27.2011

A review of They Might Be Giants' "Join Us" preview EP

Today, April 26th, was declared by They Might Be Giants as "TMBG Awareness Day".
If only they had picked a day they weren't releasing their sub-par "preview EP" for their album, "Join Us", coming out in July.
 
Can't Keep Johnny Down
This first track from the album was released on Pitchfork.com a few weeks ago and, although it gets better with repeated listens, especially if you have the lyrics in front of you, it suffers from the malady that's plagued seemingly all TMBG songs since the early 00's: a severe and noticeable lack of substance.
Songs feel a verse or two shy, whether that's because the quality of writing has gone down or they're putting less effort into their work, it's a disturbing and disappointing trend which (apparently) continues into this new decade with 'Join Us'.
"Can't Keep Johnny Down" isn't a bad song, but it isn't going to replace anyone's favorite TMBG track any time soon.
 
Cloisonné
Intentional randomness is not the same as randomness.
Not making your song rhyme because not rhyming is random is not a good reason for your song not to rhyme.
Flans is just trying way too hard on this one, and it shows.
I like the horns at the end though...bouncy...and the "What's a sleestak?" repetition.
I think this might be the strongest song of the four and that's kind of a bummer.
 
Never Knew Love
A bland, adult contemporary-esque song about love and its benefits and perils.
I dig Linnell's stuff on this, as spare as it is, but the Flans part sounds SO MUCH like a Flans part that my brain keeps trying to figure out what song he's singing, sure I've heard it before.
Musically, it's as safe as houses though, like "Johnny" and "Pine Box", which makes me wonder where these "sharp left turns" and "insane" parts are that Flans been yammering about for a year plus.
 
Old Pine Box
I've never been happier about a TMBG song clocking in at under two minutes.
Short and boring.
The only interesting part is a creepy vocoder interlude...which lasts 12 seconds before the yawn returns, first verse repeats and the song ends.
Pointless.
 
I wonder if John and John ever finish a song and then see it's only 1:53 and say, "hey, maybe we should do another verse?"
Or "hey, this sounds like something we'd release for free on a podcast as filler, let's not put this on an album."
Or "hey, this is fucking boring."
My very first thought after listening to all four songs (in the nine plus minutes it took me to do so) was: Maybe the other ten will be good.
If the first four are any indication, the answer, sadly, is: most likely not.

4.26.2011

Vote or Cake or Death

4.25.11

4:42 pm


I'm going to try to limit the bitching about the voting to a minimum here.

*breath in, breath out*

Okay.


Last week, I saw Cake for the third time in as many years, and this may have been the best of the three.

In 2009 it was the first time I'd seen them since 1998 at Firestone in Orlando, FL, so I was understandably wowed by how awesome they still were.

In 2010, they performed at Central Park's Summer Stage which was also great, but lacked a certain something, perhaps because they played quite a few songs from the 2009 show, played them well, but the same ones nonetheless.

Last week's though, they switched up just enough to keep it fresh and nailed everything.

The only ones missing that I would have jumped at were Love You Madly, Italian Leather Sofa and either The Winter or Easy To Crash, both off their new effort.

They played pretty much the "good" songs off third new album, Sick of You, Long Time, Federal Funding (great live), Moustache Man (also great live) and Bound Away, and since I actually knew the words to these this time, they were fully enjoyed.

Along with a few hits (Never There, The Distance, Short Skirt/Long Jacket, Shadow Stabbing), they stepped into the way-back machine and whipped out a few gems from their first album, namely Pentagram, Ruby Sees All and Rock And Roll Lifestyle (full snark enabled).

There were five, count them, five songs which ended in massive, mandatory sing-alongs, including Jolene, Satan Is My Motor and Sheep Go To Heaven. Maybe could have done with one or two less, by I'm not running the band.

And speaking of the band, the Tree Giveaway was in full, we're-aware-that-fans-kind-of-hate-how-long-we-take-with-this-so-we're-going-to-take-twice-as-long-just-to-rub-it-in-your-face-and-remind-you-who-exactly-this-is-an-evening-with-bitch effect.

It was a plum tree.

They rounded the evening out nicely with Opera Singer, Guitar and Frank Sinatra, all solid songs.

And, as usual, the band played excellently, Xan doing things to his guitar that most people can only dream of.

I found myself unable to focus on just one instrument in fact, distracted by the bass, then the trumpet, then the guitar, then the bass again.

I suppose that's the benefit of having the same band members since their formation in the mid-90's.

They still do not use set lists; there's just a look and a nod that goes through them and the next song begins.

It's almost telepathy...smug, solar-powered telepathy.

In a recent interview, John McCrea stated that they're getting a bit sick of touring and would like to stop soon, hopefully to make a new record before 2018, but, this is Cake, and they'll make a new album when the damn well fell like it.


Other than my Cake Day, I've been mostly consumed by the new Mortal Kombat.

I sincerely hope that my being inured to this ridiculous level of horrendous violence has less to do with some burgeoning darkness within me and more to do with the fact that I'm completely centered in reality and understand that this is just a game and not real life.

I'm not nearly as attractive as Michael C. Hall and I'm a lot easier to pick out of a crowd.


On the shoulders of MK, Chris and I finally got around to watching Machete over Easter weekend.

Meh.

Honestly, I felt that Rodriguez should have gone further.

Anyone remember Planet Terror?

Yeah, THAT is what I was expecting.

Maybe in Machete Kills...or Machete Kills Again.

And it's good to know that not even nudity can make Lindsey Lohan worth watching.

She's is just as awful as staples in a penis.

But, with the help of God and luck, she'll be dead in a few months anyway, so, no worries.


Tomorrow marks the release of the They Might Be Giants preview EP for their new album (coming out in fucking July) 'Join Us'.

Four tracks, the first four off the album, in fact, and not hits three minutes.

I was fine when TMBG had minute and a half long songs...when there were 20 per album, but 14 two minutes songs? A thirty minute album?

Jesus, guys, come on.

But, like I keep telling my tear soaked pillow and Jade, I'm desperately holding out any judgment until after I've heard these new tracks and full judgment until July when the full album drops.

Head's up: that probably won't happen.

Expect a review of these four tracks later this week.

I must say, I wish they'd taken a more 'Indestructible Object' approach with this EP and put out one or two tracks from the new album and three b-sides.

I miss TMBG b-sides.

They were weird and fun and what SHOULD be their a-sides...

Anyway.

Yeah.


And, finally, the Voting.

I have a mixture of Hope and Defeat roiling inside me as I watch these (mostly) untalented fucks' votes rise like rapists' erections while mine vacillate between the same and twitching sadly like a quadriplegic's wang.

People.

Vote.

There is a week left and hardly anyone did their duty over this Holy weekend.

I blame Jesus and his whining for that, but there's nothing to excuse you this week.

ONCE A DAY, EVERY DAY (12:00AM to 12:00AM, 24 hours from vote to vote), EVEN ON THE WEEKEND, UNTIL MAY 2ND.

Tell your friends, tell you family, tell those people who Facebook Friended you who you may have met once at some thing somewhere you can't quite recall.

I need your help.

I need it hard.

Help me hard, people.

Help me hard.

4.14.2011

Wazzer.

4.14.11

3:25 pm

 

I've heard awful things about Sucker Punch, and that makes me sad.

 

I've realized that this French goddess from the Bacardi shoot, Carolina, and my friend from high school, Katrina Pavlovich, are dark and light versions of the same person.

 

I've watched every inch of the third Jackass movie and laughed quite uproariously at certain points. I am confident in saying that I could watch an 8-hour Jackass movie and still not be tired of their antics. I am also confident in saying that all the people who think Jackass is stupid and puerile and etc would also laugh their pretentious, "high brow" asses off after sitting down and watching a few choice scenes.

 

I've listened to most of the new Foo Fighters and I'm not overly impressed, but I put my full 'Nine Types of Light' review up on Amazon, if you're interested.

 

I've come down with a touch of pre-order sickness with regards to Playstation 3 games, having put down ghost money on the new Mortal Kombat, Portal 2 and L.A. Noire (which isn't coming out for over a month). Why on earth would I, Mister Instant Gratification, pre-order something? Because Amazon keeps giving me money to do so, that's why.  For MK, they're giving me $10, another $10 for L.A. Noire and $20 for Portal 2, PLUS a random $5 off the original game price.

That's $45...FOR BUYING VIDEO GAMES.

I think this Amazon thing is going to work out...

 

I have (for the moment) abandoned The West Wing about halfway through season six in deference of the final season of Big Love.

Watched the first three episodes last night and the bottom just keeps dropping out for these poor, fake people, culminating in the darkest Christmas episode of ANYTHING I have ever seen. I'd list the horrible things that happened here, but it's just too heavy. Crazy black stuff for a holiday episode. And not even "funny" black, just "suicide" black, although some things still manage to be kind of funny...while still having pitch black ripples...all of which have to be wrapped up in the next eight or nine episodes. There's almost always a bittersweet feel to a good show's final season. I think that anywhere between four to seven seasons is best, as long as the later ones don't jump the shark and there's still stuff worth talking about. I enjoy the feeling that people are going to die in a show's final season, that there is some finality.

Does that make me morbid?

Or just a completionist? 

 

Aside from the television, I've been reading a book! Yes, a book! It was given to me by Jim as a birthday present. It's called The War For Don Emmanuel's Nether Parts. It was a touch inaccessible at first and remains wildly roundabout at times, but, now that I'm into it, I'm into it deep. The juxtaposition of the horror and beauty of the land and the horror and beauty of the people is overwhelming at times, hilarious at others.

 

Phil has finally gotten the final final draft of Grind Show back and is now painstakingly coding it into Kindle format...and soon it shall be mine to read and record, the first of many steps towards the two of us making huge amounts of filthy, filthy greenbacks.

Which are a type of fish, I'm told.

Non-edible, highly poisonous fish.

 

Also, on a creative whim, I wrote and recorded a song for a lifetime friend of Will's, Brooke.

At the time of the writing/recording, I had met her twice, once while visiting Will in D.C. years ago and once at Will's wedding en Colombia*.

I had a feeling she was awesome, but couldn't prove that, although Will openly attested to the fact.

Since the presentation of the song and a handful of back and forths (including a picture of her and some friends in mini-skirts and high heels firing Uzis) I am certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she is, in fact, awesome.

I am hugely looking forward to June, when she is planning to swing by the city for a Fountain Tour, where I will spend a day with her and we will get to know one another.

And most likely share hilarious and damning stories about Will.

Involving...the difficulty of pillow talk...and...stuff...

 

Okay.

That's fine.

That's fine.

 

 

 

 

 

* That is Spanish for "in Colombia".

4.08.2011

4 TMBG FANS ONLY

4.8.11

5:16 pm

 

I've been immersed in a discussion with Jade over the one, brand new TMBG track, "Can't Keep Johnny Down", that was released earlier this week.

The discussion touched on many subject related to TMBG, ranging from Jade possibly being the One Australian Member of the TMBG Instant Fan Club which opened and then closed on Wednesday to TDK dying horribly to the recent unsettling development in They Might Be Giants' music, namely the shortening of songs, specifically by recording one full verse, then taking the second verse and cutting it into two verses.

Anyway, during my purge, I found myself making some good points.

Or at least loud ones.

So, below is my way-too-in-depth rant about this sorry practice and it's origins and possible solutions.

Unless you're a fan...a big fan of They Might Be Giants', I'd probably ignore this one...

 


As for the "verse splitting" thing, here's what I think happened...

They did Factory Showroom, which I consider the last of the "old, good TMBG".

Each songs had a different feel while still feeling like they were TMBG and belonged on the same album.

One song was 80's shred rock (XTC Vs. Adam Ant), one song had a string AND horn section (S~E~X~X~Y), one was pure TMBG rock ('Til My Head Falls Off), one was dork rock (James K. Polk), one was a straight up Instant TMBG Classic (New York City) and one was a fun curiosity (I Can Hear You). The whole thing was just TMBfuckingG.

Then, they took some time off, each of them dropped a solo album and they put out a live album then they toured for two or three years...and then Mink Car, an album on which every song except for four or five had appeared in some form, either live (Man, It's So Loud In Here and Cyclops Rock) or on some pseudo-album, like First Kiss from Severe Tire Damage, Working Undercover For The Man from the WUFTM EP, Finished With Lies from Dial A Song, Older from Brave New World and Bangs and Edith Head from the McSweeney's disc etc.

Mink Car was their "we have these fifteen songs lying around in different states of disrepair, some that we've been performing live for three years and we should really do something with them" album. So they dusted some tracks off, adding something here, cut something there and put it out just to have done with these songs.

Mink Car was where I noticed some things appeared to be shorter than they should.

Then they did "No!" and everyone was so caught up in the novelty of it and how weird some of the stuff was to notice how short these songs were. But the thinking was, these are for kids, kids have a short attention span...rather than have two full verses, let's cut the second verse in half.

Then they did "The Spine". An adult album with that "kids album" mentality still in place.

THAT is where it happened.

And it's stuck ever since.

There have been exceptions, but that is where this sickness began.

Will Join Us be the cure?

Can't Keep Johnny Down seems to say, "No."

But, we'll get a better idea on April 26th and an even better idea of July 19th.

 

There you have it.

Now leave me alone.

4.06.2011

OSCAR FEVER!!!!!!

4.6.11
3:18 pm
Remember in Ghostbusters 2, when the Titanic arrives and Cheech says, "Better late than never"?
Well, I do.
And it's in this spirit that I catch, and reflect upon, Oscar Fever.
Hm.
Not really.
Oscar Fever feels like March Madness or something else that people who aren't involved with get excited about.
"We" didn't win last night's basketball game, "the basketball team closest to the place you were born" won last night's basketball game.
Just like "we" didn't win Best Original Score, "Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross" won last night's basketball game.
You get the idea.
So, as a fan of films/movies who is just barely involved in the industry that produces them...I offer some Oscar thoughts...over a month after the fact.
At this point, I've seen maybe eight out of the ten Best Picture nominees.
See if you can tell from my reflections which ones I haven't seen yet... 
Black Swan
Unlike a lot of poseurs, I didn't claim to like Darren Aronofsky until after I saw Requiem For A Dream and not after I saw Pi.
Not that Pi isn't a good movie, but it was always one of those that "the film kids" had seen that no one else had. I did see it before RFAD, but I didn't love it.
Requiem For A Dream, I loved.
It's an amazing movie and the best anti-drug ad I have EVER seen.
THE CHICK FROM LABYRINTH GOES ASS TO ASS FOR HEROIN.
THAT IS THE MOTHERFUCKING DEFINITION OF 'HITTING BOTTOM'.
Pun intended...to educate...
Oh and by the way, the fact that Julia "I Have A Baboon's Vagina For Lips" Roberts didn't hand her Best Actress Oscar to Ellen Burstyn within seconds of receiving it accompanied by a mumbled "they must have made a mistake, Ellen" is a bigger atrocity than Julia Roberts existing at all...barely.
So, after Aronofsky unleashed this beast (and yes I know it was based on a book, but shhhh...), I was his. Anything he put out from that point on, I would see, no question. Between the "HERE is what drugs REALLY (could possibly under the WORST POSSIBLE circumstances) do to you" story, the laser-sharp slam editing (something I'd never seen before) and the incredible score by Clint Mansell that spoke directly to peoples' souls...I was utterly his.
After Requiem, there was talk of him directing the new Batman.
When that news came out, I shit in three pairs of pants. Guys like this, talented, amazing, cutting edge directors, didn't do comic book movies. Sure, Burton had done the first two Batman's back in the late 80's, early 90's, but that was almost a decade ago! THIS WAS GOING TO BE...and then it was canceled and the world wept a bitter tear.
Or at least geeks did.
Then, Aronofsky did The Fountain which involved time travel and Aztecs and a tree and was made for Blu Ray; every shot was a portrait. But some people thought it was "too cerebral". But they were mungos and mungos don't like anything that isn't diapers, so fuck them.
It didn't resound as much with me as Requiem, but I couldn't deny it was amazing.
Then came The Wrestler...which I found a little odd after Requiem and Fountain.
I watched it a while after it came out and enjoyed it, but it didn't feel like what, I felt, an Aronofsky movie should feel like, but, like I said, it was solid.
The next bit of news I heard about him was that he was working on a horror movie called Black Swan that had something to do with Natalie Portman and ballet.and that, once again, Clint Mansell would be scoring.
Skipping ahead a bit, I kept hearing how amazing this movie was, that it was epic and terrifying and perfect and etc. etc. etc. I wish I'd listened less because, while I thought it was a good movie, the hype had just made it too big, and I was let down, but I blame Hollywood and the Internet and the fact that I have never and most likely will never give a shit about ballet, not Aronofsky.
Plus Natalie Portman dykes out with Mila Kunis.
Which is hott.
Inception
Since Chris Nolan started doing the Batman movies, I have hated everything not Batman with a burning passion; understand that this has NOTHING to do with these movies, it all stems from the fact that they are stopping him from making more Batman movies.
I saw Memento in college and, like most people who aren't pathological liars, it blew my fucking mind.
Insomnia...well...it was well directed.
Then, he did Batman Begins, which blew my mind and wet my pants.
The Prestige had David Bowie as Nicolai Tesla and he walked on screen through a small lightening storm, so that was awesome.
Then he did Dark Knight which made me swallow my head.
Then he did Inception.
Okay...here's the thing...I'm waiting for him to make a bad movie.
Not to mock him, but more to ascertain that he is, in fact, a human and not some sort of film god from another dimension.
Not every one of his films is good, but they're all amazing. Does that make sense?
As in, yes, his movies have plot holes and some bad dialogue here and there (like every line that came out of the mouth of the guy riding with Gordon in that armored car), but you will leave each one astounded.
At least you should, unless your soul is made from granite and you are a dickbag.
True Grit
I can't really nail down the first time I realized I liked the Coen Brothers. I think it was one of those cases where I realized that I like these three movies and that they were all directed and/or directed by the Coen Brothers.
It may have all started with Fargo.
Whenever it did start, it has continued.
For every movie they don't hit out of the park (Blood Simple, The Man That Wasn't There, A Serious Man) they have two that blow up the stadium (Miller's Crossing, Fargo, The Big Lebowski, No Country For Old Men, Barton Fink, True Grit.
These guys...make so many fucking movies...
None of this waiting-three-years-for-more-market-impact, these motherfuckers want to make a film and they fucking do it.
I'd never seen the original True Grit, and I really don't care.
I saw the new True Grit and thought it was amazing. Something about the Coens and the desert just works.
Lebowski, No Country, Fargo (snow desert) and Grit all feature deserts.
There's a conspiracy there, but I have no idea what kind.
The cast and acting were utterly stand out and that has nothing to do with the original, right?
It's a true epic and, at heart, a kind of road picture AND a kind of buddy picture...just done by the Coens.
The Social Network
I'm going to try to not talk about the score.
When I heard Fincher, a director I've been a fan of since Se7en, was doing "the Facebook movie" I was puzzled. If you look at Se7en, Fight Club and Aliens 3, a Fincher Style begins to emerge. But then you watch Panic Room, Zodiac and The Social Network and your Fincher Style sort of falls apart. To me, it isn't the direction or the score that defines this movie and makes it Oscar Worthy (whatever that means) it's the Sorkin screenplay. If you're really looking, you can see some of that FIncher Style in Panic Room and Zodiac, but as for The Social Network...I didn't get a whiff.
Maybe that's a directorial choice or maybe I'm not as attuned to such things "subtle directorial styles" as I'd like to think, I have no idea.
For me, the dialogue made this movie.
It's also the first on this list that is "based on true events", something that really seems to help when one is going for an Oscar.
That or Holocaust survivors or the mentally handicapped.
Or Julia Roberts baboon's vagina face.
Winter's Bone
Here's where I get a little less informed.
I don't know who wrote or directed this movie, so all I can speak on is the movie itself.
I wrote about it a few days ago. It's powerful in the way that any story about a child growing up too fast is powerful. You sit there and watch horrible things happen to her and you grit your teeth and say "she's just a kid, how can you be fucking doing this?"
As I said earlier, it felt a bit like True Grit in that respect, but without Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon to watch over her and without that sense of Coen Quirkiness pervading the whole thing.
It was a very effective movie.
The desolation is palpable, everything is gray.
Beautiful but too sad and pathetic to be called beautiful.
If "beautiful" had a cousin with late stage cancer, that would be how to describe this film.
The whole thing was like a nightmare, especially to the people in New York and L.A. who saw it, I'm sure.
No iPhones, no flat screens.
There's one point where a guy not driving in a battered old pick up truck draws attention to himself by not driving in a battered old pick up truck.
It's powerful and horrible and something you should see.
The King's Speech
As with Winter's Bone, I don't know who wrote or directed this, but unlike Winter's Bone, it was also "based on a true story".
If I'm not mistaken, Colin Furth got Best Actor for this.
I do not agree.
Yes, he did a great job portraying someone reluctantly in power with a speech impediment, but...really?
I kept thinking back to Robert Downey Jr.'s words from Tropic Thunder: "you never go full retard...".
Well, Furth didn't and it got him an Oscar.
Geoffrey Rush was also excellent and it was refreshing to see Helena Bonhem Carter playing something not from the 2000's.
I think The King's Speech has cemented my opinion that Carter should only appear in period pieces so she doesn't get too...Helena Bonham Carter.
Okay, let me put that another way...women in movies like The King's Speech weren't typically as shrill as HBC is in modern movies.
And that is good, because HBC can get real annoying, real quick.
But she was great in King's Speech, so, we're all okay again, right?
Anyway, this movie was great, but I don't know why is won so much stuff.
Again, I'm not 100%, but I think it won Best Picture.
Maybe second or third best, but not best.
Whatever the case: great movie, great cast, great acting.
The Fighter
I watched this last night.
I'm not a "sports guy".
I'm not a "sports movie" guy.
The Wrestler is the closest thing to a "sports movie" I have ever purposely watched.
That said: I was fucking riveted by this movie.
During the fight scenes later in the movie when Wahlberg is getting beat on and everyone in his corner is asking each other "what the fuck's he doin'" and "why the fuck he ain't fightin'" I was right there with him.
I was talking to my television.
Before his last fight with that braggy Irish cunt Neary (amazing casting since I wanted to throw stones at his head from the moment he opened his smug, punk ass mouth to the moment his ass got knocked the fuggout), I was worried sick about its outcome.
When Marky Mark won that fight?
I fucking teared up.
God damn.
I'm pretty sure that a lot of this movie, with worse actors might come off as cheesy, but each and every one of these people SOLD it.
Wahlberg as a scrappy, up-and-coming fighter and Christian Bale as his worshipped-as-a-god older brother.
What two parts of that sentence make this movie work do you think?
Yes, I think Bale's Batman voice is goofy, but he was outlandishly good in The Fighter.
He was so fucking human as Dick Ekilund, so real.
When he got out of jail and walked over to that crack house I KNEW he was simply going to drop that cake off, I KNEW he wasn't going to start doing crack again.
You know how I knew? Because if he did, I would have broken down, that's fucking how.
I was invested in that movie more so than ANY in recent memory.
Here's the rub...I don't know if I'm just a sucker for sports movies and have just never given them a chance, or if this just happened to be an exceptional movie.
I'm praying it's the latter.
The only issue have is not really with the movie itself, but more with the Oscar award associated with it.
I do NOT think Melissa Leo did a better job than that little girl from True Grit, and I never will.
Other than that? This movie nailed it.
Nailed. It.
Marky Mark...who'd have thought?
Oh and finding out that Aronofsky did the screenplay?
No surprise.
The Kids Are All Right
Lesbians in the 1980's were important.
Marilyn Manson did a cover of "Surrender" by Cheap Trick at MTV's 2001 New Year's show at their Times Square studio.
Julianne Moore was in Boogie Nights with Mark Wahlberg, who starred in The Fighter.
Toy Story 3
Haven't seen this one yet, but, over the past week, Chris and I have watched Toy Story 1 and 2 and the next thing to arrive from Netflix (after "10", thank you very much Future Wife. I'm not mad at you.) is Toy Story 3.
I've heard nothing but amazing and excellent words for it and, after refreshing myself on 1 and 2, which I'd seen once each, I'm expecting nothing less.
But, unlike Black Swan, I think this is going to deliver (and it probably isn't going to have Natalie Portman getting eaten out by Mila Kunis either...I don't think...).
I love when things live up to their hype.
Love it, love it, love it.
It just reminds me that it can happen and makes me feel like a kid again.
I'll let you know how it is, but, like all animated movies, I don't think it will end up being Best Picture material.
It's weird.
I KNOW that a Batman movie will never win Best Picture. Same with a Harry Potter movie or an animated movie.
I wonder why that is...
127 Hours
I'm a put this on Front Street: I don't even know if this movie was nominated for Best Picture.
But dude chews his own arm off or sumpthin.
And that's badass.
So.
Now comes the part that's even less interesting than the part before:
My Oscars.
I'll just do Best Picture/Actor/Supporting Actor/Actress/Supporting Actress

Best Supporting Actress: Chick from True Grit (True Grit)

Best Supporting Actor: Justin Timberlake (The Social Network)

Best Actress: Chick from Winter's Bone (Winter's Bone)
Best Actor: Mark Wahlberg or Christina Bale (The Fighter) (ties are allowed)
Best Picture: True Grit or The Fighter (How about one for Best Picture and one for Best Picture Based On A True Story? Cool.)
And if all this wasn't enough...I have more...
Moving away from Oscar Films, Chris and I watched Due Date, the buddy movie/road picture starring Robert Downey Jr. and Zach Galifianakis.
First, funniest buddy movie since the sub-genre was invented, second, Robert Downey Jr. punching that kid in the stomach made me laugh out loud.
Honestly, they actually had a somewhat plausible reason for these two to be traveling together.
Past that, everything else was just madness, but fun as hell.
I like to picture the phone conversations between the casting agent and the people providing Galifianakis' French Bulldog.
CASTING AGENT: Hi, we need a French Bulldog.
DOG PEOPLE: Sure, you want a black one or a tan one?
CA: Tan.
DP: Okay, how old?
CA: Not a puppy, but not old, cute. Two years or thereabout.
DP: No problem, we can send over a few reels of-
CA: And it has to able to masturbate on cue.
DP: (pause)
CA: Got that?
DP: I'm sorry...who is this again?
I'm probably underestimating the weird calls the Dog People get from Hollywood Types on a daily basis, but a girl can dream...
Anyway, funny movie, check it out.
And finally, Pitchfork Media posted the track list, release date and first song from the new TMBG album, "Join Us" (whose cover art is a neon pink hearse on monster truck wheels).
The track is called "Can't Keep Johnny Down" and, upon first listen last night, I was worried about the album.
After a few more listens with the lyrics in front of me I still think it's a weak album opener and that Linnell's is less singing that moaning/yelling the words, but the subject matter (although a verse or two short) is spot on.
I just wish the music was better.
Again, I'm going to try to hold out judgment until the whole thing comes out...in fucking July...but, you know me.
I bitch, therefore I moan.

4.01.2011

Let Me Tell You About My Boat

4.1.11
5:36 pm
Ha.
Fooled you.
I don't have a boat.
You asshole April Fool.
You dickbag, pus-fucking April Fool.
You mungo-ass, diapizz April Fool.
LEARN TO LIVE WITH YOUR MISTAKES AND BECOME A BETTER PERSON.
I mean that.
Last night, as I am on a teeny tiny Oscar kick, I watched Winter's Bone (and plan on watching The Fighter this weekend).
Mother.
Fuck.
That s the most desolate, desperate, depressed, dingy movie I have seen since the letter "d" was invented and put at the front of so many awful and descriptive words.
Christ.
It wasn't even a downer per se...it was just so...pathetic?
But with a sense of pride?
Like stubborn, old school Mainer pride.
As in "never ask for what should be offered freely".
It looked like a combination of  Year Zero, Fallout 3 and the artwork for the Ghosts album.
And it felt like a rainy day.
In the entire hour and forty minute film NO ONE SMILED.
At least not before doing crystal meth or threatening to kill someone with a double-barreled shotgun.
You know, the bad kind of smile.
These people have no hope, no future, no plan or idea or a future.
They live day to day and they wear several layers of clothing throughout the whole movie.
And there are dogs everywhere.
As in, the ratio of actors to dogs is 1:1.
At least the dogs look happy.
Those poor fools.
Okay, take the determined young girl from True Grit (2010 version) and drop her into the "everything is awful and people die horribly all the time" world of No Country For Old Men (but less deserty and more frozen swamplandy) and you have the basic feel of this thing.
Great movie.
To die while watching.
Flipping over to the "real world"...a memo came down from on high where I work that basically makes gossip a punishable offense.
In a nutshell, a member of security had some sort of involvement with a gun.
By the next day, people from EVERY department were talking about how he'd killed a cop, Obama etc. etc. etc.
It had gone from the lips of security to everyone else in the building.
And finally the big cheeses have a reason to be bothered by the constant foul smelling susurrus of gossip floating through this department like shit through a sewer.
See, the problem with these trogs is, the hardest part of their job is showing up, and so they have to think of things to keep themselves busy...scratch that, most of these folks don't think...they have to develop (as one would develop a canker sore or hemorrhoid) things to keep them busy.
Enter the tried and true High School Special...gossip.
Tasty or otherwise, true or otherwise, it helps them kill the hours, minutes and seconds each and every day.
And what goes hand in hand with gossip?
Yes, the ever-coveted Drama.
Gossip and Drama, together again.
I believe I've mentioned before (one or two...THOUSAND times...) that the people here have two volumes: loud, belligerent and uninformed or hissy, nasty and secretive.
One brings about the other which brings about the other which brings about the other and so on and so on, until someone gets fired or just takes a swing at someone else.
Anyway, gossip is not, basically, illegal here.
Ha.
I say again, ha.
Telling the folks working here that they can't gossip anymore is pretty much equivalent to telling fish not to swim, the sun not to shine and Tyler Perry to stop shitfucking the general public.*
It just can't happen.
But, what this hopefully means is that some of the larger loudmouths will get caught with both their hands, feet and a whole ham stuck in there and get fired.
Will they learn something from this?
Most likely not, but, hey, at least their filthy, slimy voicecocks will be withdrawn from my poor, ravaged earvage.
And, in the end, isn't that what really matters?
I wholeheartedly agree.
And finally, as a reward for wading this far through my septic tank of a mind, I'm a little over half way through the newest TV On The Radio album, Nine Types of Light, and it's amazing.
If you've never heard (of) these guys before, you're missing out on one of the best bands of the late 2000's/early 2010's.
They're sort of like...a barber shop quartet singing in front of a brothel that is also a church.
They're sacred, profane, melodic, dissonant, celebratory and sorrowful.
Their first album, Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes is unlike anything you've heard.
I promise you.
It's also the album that got Trent Reznor to line them up as openers for Nine Inch Nails, and yes, that's how I heard of them.***.
DYBTB is a bit inaccessible at times, but you finish it excited about what they're going to do next, where they're going to go from here.
Where they went was to record Return to Cookie Mountain, more accessible and varied that their first and including a guest appearance by one Mr. David Bowie, one of his last recordings to date.
In fact, if you are one of the two people that read this that received a copy of El Viaje De La Pesadilla, you might know that particular song, Province, from the "Climbing A Hill" segment.
After RTCM, they put out Dear Science, which, I'll admit, I haven't spent much time with although the critics seemed to dig it as well, giving it high marks across the board.
Then the lead singer, Dave Sitek, did a solo album which, apparently, wasn't all that great, then, their latest, Nine Types of Light, which is coming out in a few weeks or so.
Get it when it does, you'll enjoy it.
Now, I am going to order some dinner as I have been here since 4:30 and will continue to be here until 11.
Perhaps sushi.
Ha.
Got you again.
You fool.
You April Fool.
You shitfucking April Fool.
Ha.
*Yes, that is what you think it is, using a piece of shit as a phallus.**
**Don't get mad at me, he's the one who's doing it. 
*** You can find the series of videos with Reznor, Peter Murphy and TV On The Radio doing Bauhaus, NIN and TVOTR songs on You Tube somewhere.