End of the Month Music Bitchfest - May

5.31.11

4:05 pm

 

A month hath passed....let us bitch.

 

First off, my top five:

 

Nine Inch Nails

And here I was expecting to have nothing for you.

Instead, I have a very tiny bit of something.

Almost nothing, but still, technically, something.

Like...how many grains of sand do you need before you can call it a pile?

That kind of thing.

And it isn't even Nine Inch Nails news, technically.

Anyway, enough backing and filling.

Some European types Twittered on Friday or Saturday that, before the Hangover Part 2, there was a "red band"* teaser for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo which featured a cover of Led Zeppelin's "Immigrant Song" with vocals by Karen O. (of The Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and music (apparently) by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross. It has since been confirmed by Reznor that it was, in fact, Reznor and Ross. Over the past three days, this "leaked" teaser** has racked up approximately 1.3 million views on You Tube, spurring a response from Reznor along the lines of "thanks for the excellent reaction, the U.S. "green band" trailer is hitting this week with sound specifically engineered for theaters, so enjoy".

Only that nerd would design a teaser's sound specifically for theaters.

God bless you, Nine Inch Nail...

The song itself harkens back to Saul Williams' cover of "Sunday Bloody Sunday" which, for lack of a better term, is a Nine Inch Nailsy version of the original U2 track.

It's darker, heavier and scarier.

The Led Zep cover has the signature NIN electronic sound, including heavy, processed guitar, fuzz and sonic distortion.

I've never been a fan of The Yeah Yeah Yeahs and this track really changes nothing. I will say that her vocals laid over Reznor and Ross' rearrangement make this song so much more sinister than the original, matching perfectly with the tone of the teaser and, from what I've read about the FIncher remake, the film itself.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, which has been given the tag line, "The feel bad movie of Christmas", is slated for release in the U.S. at the end of December, so, if the release schedule of the Social Network score was any indication, there should be a 5-track preview EP (or something along those lines) popping up some time in the next few months (or some time around then) and the full score release (most likely in multiple formats) some time in November (or early December).

Again, this is all based entirely on how Reznor and the movie company do things, but Reznor has always been an advocate of the "first taste is free" method of music distribution, so, yeah.

Here's hoping they give Dragon Tattoo the same 5.1 treatment as they gave Social Network.

Here's also hoping the music for this film actually fits the film.

No word yet on new Nine Inch Nails or new How To Destroy Angels, but, according to Reznor, they will be mixing the HTDA "this summer", so that narrows it down to the next three months...unless he changes his god damn mind and scraps the whole thing.

Fucking nerd.

Fucking new-husband-newer-father-busy-with-his-own-personal-life-and-not-my-own-entertainment nerd.

Selfish.
Here's the aforementioned teaser.

Oh, and there was one tiny other thing...

In April, Robbie Robertson's "How To Become Clairvoyant" was released and Reznor was accredited for "additional ambience" (or something like that) on the instrumental track "Madame X".

The track features Robertson's warm, acoustic guitar laid over Reznor's unsettling, stammering violins, so reminiscent of "Hand Covers Bruise" from the Social Network score that it might even be the same sound file, and is not worth the price of the album.

But, whatever.

At least it's something.

Something that is almost nothing.

Which is better than...

 

Cake

Nothing.

Touring.

Snarking.

Same mumbles of doing a new album this year, but (and with any other band this would be hyperbole), they might just be saying this to fuck with me.

 

They Might Be Giants

No new tracks except for one, "Fellowship of Hell", when Flansburgh releases as a podcast a few weeks ago. It's the most interesting thing from the album sessions thus far and he says it will not be on the album so...yeah.

Thanks?

Asshole?

TMBG released half of their tour dates for the first leg of their Join Us tour, starting at the end of July, with much more to come.

The new album, "Join Us", is still slated for a July 19th release.

 

Eels

Starting their "Tremendous Dynamite" tour tomorrow with some warm up shows in California.

The El Ray or the Galaxy?

I wouldn't be surprised if there were a new song or two debuted on this tour, but, then again, I wouldn't be surprised if there wasn't.

E still has that pass I issued him on behalf of all Eels fans last month.

It expires when I get antsy and begin to jones for new Eels music.

Looking forward to what covers they'll be playing though, as they've done on, literally, every tour to date.

Highlights include "If I Was Your Girlfriend" from their first tour, "Get Ur Freak On" from their Bus Driving, Band Rocking tour and "I Could Never Take The Place Of Your Man" from the Eels With Strings tour.

Eels always puts on a great show, even if it's not the great show you were expecting or even wanting.

I'd highly recommend people get out there to see them.

 

Beck

The Beck-produced Thurston Moore album, "Demolished Thoughts", came out recently and, while you can completely tell that Beck produced it, it doesn't really do much for me.

Then again, I've never really gotten Sonic Youth so the fact that I don't really enjoy the lead singers solo effort is my bad, I suppose.

It has a few great moments, but not enough to require repeat listening, at least in my case.

Some of it sounds like Moore trying for the same feel that Beck's "Sea Change" had, although that might just be Beck's hand on the knobs.

Whatever the case, Beck hasn't announced anything since the release of "Demolished Thoughts", so take what you will from that.

Whether he has nothing in the pipeline (doubtful, based on statements made by him regarding a whole album just waiting for release) or he's just waiting for Moore's album to gain some distance before taking over the spotlight with his own new project.

 

Nothing really solid with any of the other aforementioned bands.

Both Mansons have been quiet, except for Marilyn's erratic, overly artsy, "I'm about to change the way people think about thinking about things...FOREVER" photo blog posts. St. Vincent is still, supposedly, working on her new solo album and her collaboration with David Byrne.

Two additions to last month's Bitchfest: Tori Amos and Tweaker.

Tori Amos has announced a new album dropping in September. It's called "Night of The Huntress" and her write up of it sounds amazing:

 

"It's a 21st century song cycle inspired by classical music themes spanning over 400 years.  I have used the structure of a song cycle to tell an ongoing, modern story. The protagonist is a woman who finds herself in the dying embers of a relationship. In the course of one night she goes through an initiation of sorts that leads her to reinvent herself allowing the listener to follow her on a journey to explore complex musical and emotional subject matter.  One of the main themes explored on this album is the hunter and the hunted and how both exist within us."

 

Problem with Tori is, while a lot of her concepts and visions for her albums are great, she hasn't really had a great album in a while.

I had actually lost hope until she put out "American Doll Posse" a few years back, an ambitious and complex work told from the perspectives of several different women, each with a unique voice and role in the album. While it worked well and marked, at least to some extent, the return of Tori making interesting, fiery music to go along with her interesting, fiery concepts, she lost me with her sub-par follow ups, "Abnormally Addicted To Sin" and "Midwinter Graces".

So, while this could be an incredible album...I'm going to wait until I actually hear some of it to get my hopes up.

Call me a rebel...I've heard it before.

 

And, as for Tweaker, the man behind the madness, ex-NIN drummer, Chris Vrenna has been wasting his time programming and touring with Marilyn Mason for the past...shit, five plus years?

Wow.

Talk about your time sinks...

Vrenna has some amazing drum and programming skills and it was crushing to see them completely wasted on Manson's most recent turd, "The High End of Low". There was one interesting song on the album. It was called "15" and if Vrenna didn't have EVERYTHING to do with the unique sound of it, I'll eat both my legs.

Tweaker was his solo project he launched in 2001.

It was mostly soundscapes created by Vrenna with the occasional guest singer (Will Oldham of Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, Craig Wedren of Shudder to Think, Robert Smith of The Cure, Hamilton Leithauser of the Walkmen and a host of others).

He's put out two albums thus far ("The Attraction To All Things Uncertain" and "2 a.m. wakeup call"), both which have some really great sounds on them and, as of November, 2010, the official Tweaker page has had the note "tweaker returns in 2011" posted.

Chris...it's June.

You have six months.

Please, if that awful Marilyn Manson has hurt you, tell someone, let a policeman know and we can have him put away for a long, long time.

It's NOT YOUR FAULT.

But, anyway, highly anticipating that one as well.

And just today, Alessandro Cortini, ex-keyboardist for Nine Inch Nails, put up information about his second release as SONOIO, entitled "Red". His plan, which he explained in a recent interview, is to release three works, somewhere between the length of an EP and a full album, in a year. The first, "Blue", had a few very strong pieces on it, but I wouldn't say he was breaking any new ground in the world of electronic music. If you pre-order "Red", you receive the first four tracks, some demos and an HD video. The album itself comes out June 20th.

I've downloaded the pre-order stuff but have yet to listen it. I'm hoping the titles are more than just design choices. I'd like for "Red" to serve as a counterpoint to "Blue"'s more or less mellow, droney vibe. It would be interesting to hear Cortini rip some shit up.

Musically, of course. 

If it's worth remembering***, I'll mention it.

I believe I'm all bitched out...for now.

I'll return to this in a month, hopefully with a cornucopia of music news.

Sweet, sweet esoteric music news.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*As opposed to the "green band" teaser/trailer, which is appropriate for all ages.

**The trailer was "bootlegged" but the dubious fake bad quality of said bootleg had lead some people to question just how bootlegged it really is.

*** That choice of words was very clever because on SONOIO "Blue", there's a song called "Not Worth Remembering". I'm very clever.

The Steve Guttenberg Bible

5.17.11

4:57 pm

 

That's right.

Steve Guttenberg.

I grew up watching movies he was in, Police Academy 1 and 2 and 3 and whichever other ones he was in, Short Circuit 1 and maybe 2 , if he was in that.

And I think he's funny.

Or, more correctly, I knew him BEFORE I knew what was funny.

So, he might not actually be funny...I might not even actually think he is funny...but...I watched those movies.

 

And I had a hankering, so I watched Police Academy last night courtesy of Netflix Instant.

It was...literally, exactly as I remembered it from my childhood.

I think I may have laughed once or twice...not certain.

Anyway.

I'm going to watch Short Circuit at some point.

Again...not sure why.

 

Yesterday was stupidbusystupid.

I had a callback, booking and audition.

(Actually, I cost myself some money at the booking, mentioning something I thought was a typo and would have resulted in yet another paid session of revisions. Turns out it was a typo and would  have meant another session of revisions if I'd kept my mouth shut.

Never before has me talking cost me money.

There's a lesson there somewhere...

But, as if Karma Herself was watching over me, earlier today, I received an e-mail from a Google dude I worked with a few months ago who is booking me for some VO stuff on Friday, so...thanks Karma! No lesson learned whatsoever! I haven't grown as a person at all!

VIDEO GAMES!!!)

And then I had work.

Luckily, the two people who are the most thorny in my sidey were not there yesterday and aren't here today, so that means I get to read more A Game of Thrones without their voices drilling into my psyche like so many stupid, angry, stupid beavers that are stupid.

Bliss.

 

Finally got around to listening to the new Other Lives album, Tamer Animals, and I was less than impressed until I got to Dust Bowl III and Weather, about halfway into it.

Not done with it yet, but thus far, it's less impactful as their first, self titled work, but I was listening to it on a subway and not a snow-dusted steppe in the 1200's, so that might be my bad.

 

Hopefully, if UPS isn't blowing goats today, I'll have a shiny new copy of L.A. Noire when I return home.

I've spent the earlier part of today reading reviews and this game appears to be different than what I'd expected it to be.

Different and better, so I'm down.

 

Going back to the gimmegimmegimmenownownow aspect of my personality, I also watched Hot Tub Time Machine with Chris a few nights ago.

That movie is exactly what it claims to be and I love it for that.

If anything, I'd say it could have gone a bit further at times, mainly in the resolution of Crispin Glover's arm's story arc.

Which was, by the by, an hilarious and genius metric for the inevitable "okay, we really ARE back in time!" moment.

 

I also finished the third and NOT final season of Fringe.

The last five episodes escalate in weirdness so hugely...I can't even...body switching, LSD-fueled brain traversal resulting in random animated sequences, amnesia, time travel, paradoxes...it ran the gamut from "where the fuck did that come from" to "why would they do something this ridiculously cliché"?

They MUST have thought they were getting canceled.

Anyway, I'm just chomping at the bit to see what they d with their next and possibly final season, not so much for the story, but, after you do the things they've done, how the hell are they going to keep people interested?

I'm a bit tweaked they didn't go into the "there aren't just two parallel universes, there are an almost infinite number", but that might be their last season...Fringe meets Sliders...

Yick.

 

All right...

Yes.

Okay.

Now, I will walk in the rain and eat the food.

The Shadow Nose

5.13.11

4:04 pm

 

After letting it age expertly for a few weeks, I finally got around to watching The Shadow last night.

Or maybe half of it.

I don't know anything about the original...comic? Radio play? and I saw the movie years ago (all I remember is Tim Curry being awesome and throwing himself out of a window) and recalled it being all right.

Paul was wrong folks.

You can tell how wrong by his use of the third person.

Not only did the movie look like diaperz, film stock wise, but the whole thing felt like someone who couldn't get the rights to Batman doing a sort of Batman parody out of childish anger.

Badly.

Unless the story of The Shadow is THAT much like Batman.

In which case...shit, someone should sue someone.

And when Alec Baldwin becomes The Shadow, it kind of looks like he's becoming Adam Baldwin.

Zing.

Anyway, I stopped it after maybe forty five minutes and put on Fringe instead.

They have got some weird shit happening in that show...

Weird and funny, but they need to serious things up by the end of the season (I'm five episodes out) because I'm laughing a lot more than I should be.

But not as serious as the episode where that guy who made the dead girl he'd dressed in a ballerina costume dance with a system of ropes and pulleys.

That was a bit much.

I have a feeling that maybe they'd written that scene when they thought they were going to be canned at the end of this season.

I hope.

 

In other news, Chris alerted me to the fact that, a few days ago, Saul Williams' latest album, 'Volcanic Sunlight', came out in France (where he now lives).

I did some online sorcery and now I, despite NOT living in France, have a copy of it!!!

Viola!

C'est cheese!

AND I HAVE LISTENED TO IT!!!!!!

And, while I am HUGELY biased against all Saul Williams albums NOT co-produced/co-written/co-starring Oscar®© Winning Musician Trent Reznor, this is a really solid follow-up to 'The Inevitable Rise and Liberation of Niggy Tardust' and a gigantically amazing incredible follow up to the more recent 'NGH WHT', an album-length recitation of the epic poem of the same name from Williams' poetry book, The Dead Emcee Scrolls, set to a symphony composed by Swiss composer Thomas Kessler and performed by The Arditti String Quartet.*

This time around, listeners get more pop than poetry, less "in your face" and more "in your radio", and I think it works well for Williams.

His rawness and aggression are still there, but tempered by dance beats, 60's funk licks and the second least aggressive musical instrument in the world: the tambourine.**

Certain tracks actually sound like radio-friendly singles, until you really listen to the words, at least.

One of these, "Girls Have More Fun", has a lively drum line accented by a peppy little keyboard riff. Those elements plus a sing-along chorus ("Girls! Have fun!") make the listener unable to sit still during it.

"Rocket" is ridiculously accessible and has an uplifting, cascading sound that feels akin to soaring through space and "Dance", the album's first single, makes one want to...eat...cookies...

Actually, "Dance" might be the most sinister pop song you've ever heard.

Something about it feels dangerous...

As if you'll start off the evening dancing but end up worshipping some dead god...or maybe that's just me.

Whatever the case, it's clear that Williams' time in France has influenced his sound, although there is still an abundance of his usual intense, reflective works on this album.

Songs like "Give It Up" and the title track are more the slam poetry fans are accustomed to, but even these less poppy works are still less confrontational than songs from his earlier albums.

Almost every track features live drums, which range from simple, driving beats to complex, hyper-energetic patterns which serve to almost hypnotize the listener, usually paired up with simple keyboard and/or guitar.

And I'd be remiss if I didn't mention how much "Fall Up" and "Diagram", sound as much like TV On The Radio as TV On The Radio's "Repetition" (from their latest album 'Nine Types of Light') sounds like Saul Williams.

The idea of a Saul Williams/TV On The Radio tour (let's call it the Nine Types of Volcanic Light tour) makes my mouth water...

Anyway, while 'Niggy Tardust' and 'NGH WHT' may have frightened off the casual listeners, 'Volcanic Sunlight' is more welcoming to the less adventurous and a great gateway into Williams' deeper, more poetic works.

Even though this is a more accessible and, dare I say, commercial work, some things remain constant and that include the passion, poetry and heart with which Saul Williams imbues all his works.

His fire and intensity as a performer have earned the loyalty of his fans.

And, if you're on the fence about Saul Williams, go see him live: your doubts will be erased and you'll be a fan for life.

 

And finally, I've had quite the open dialogue with Flansburgh over Twitter these past few days, asking questions and getting answers almost instantly in a few cases.

It's made me reflect upon the days before social networking when an artist put out an album and you bought it.

You listened to it and then, maybe, you saw that artist live and screamed that you loved him or her along with thousands of other people doing the exact same thing, and then you went home.

The fact that these people, who some once revered as gods among us, can now, conceivably, see any thought or question you might have for them...and then answer it...is mind-blowing.

Hopefully this will serve to limit fanaticism and remove some of these mere, yet talented, mortals from their golden pedestals.

Although I doubt it.

Even after my golden afternoon spent with TMBG at Kampo, every time my cell phone tells me Flans responded to a post of mine, I squee a bit.

And I consider myself quite level headed.

Quite.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

* I'd like to take this chance to recommend that people from Switzerland should be called Switzerlish.

** The least aggressive being a triangle.

Ha.

5.12.11

8:56 pm

 

Last night I beat the single player portion of Portal 2.

Without spoiling anything, it's a fantastic ending (paired with a fantastic pun) that surpasses that of the first.

And there is another, excellent JoCo song.

More excellent that Still Alive?

You decide.

 

I also had an hilarious revelation while finishing the game last night.

GLaDOS reminds me of Danielle.

Something about the coldness with just a hint of emotion...

 

And speaking of coldness, I have just embarked upon George Double R Martin's Fire and Ice books.

I'm only a chapter or two in, but it appears promising.

I like wolf babies.

I like Others.

Each of the four books thus far released is about 800 pages, making the total number about 3,200.

Toss in the last three (hopefully published before I die) and that's 6,000 pages, give or take.

THAT is what I'm talking about.

You know, I hear the trogs around me talking about these "great books" they're all reading and passing back and forth like herpes in a college dorm with titles like "Dirty Divorcee" and "Mistress" and "Still A Mistress" (not joking about that last one), and, after wiping the tears of laughter and sorrow from my eyes, I find myself reflecting: what would these people do with an actual good book. Not a good sci-fi or fantasy book, but a good, classic book. Like from a fifth grade reading list?

Would they be able to understand and enjoy it?

Would they think it too "smart"?

Would they set it down and clamor instead for the latest novelization of the new Medea movie?

Would they know what "novelization" means?

Am I being elitist?

Would they know what "elitist" means?

I could ponder on this all day...

...asshole.

 

Last night, TMBG put up their latest podcast which consisted of one song called "Fellowship of Hell".

Flans said it was recorded during the "Join Us" sessions, but will not be on the album.

Which is a goddamn shame because it's great.

With lyrics like "Rock had a baby/and called it 'AHHH!'" and "there is no loathing/like self-loathing", it exhibits that catchy, weird darkness I love and miss about them.

Still about two months out from "Join Us", but "Fellowship of Hell" gives me a spark of hope...unless, of course, they left all the good songs off the album to suffer the fate of b-side and podcast fodder...

Whatever.

The fact that they're making and releasing this good stuff is what matters.

 

This weekend, Sony-willing, I will try out the Portal 2 co-op with Will.

I will also NOT be jumping out of a god damn birthday cake.

Fascists.

 

I'm Different!

5.10.11

3:46 pm

 

I'm not actually different, the title of this entry is a reference to Portal 2.

One of the turrets, if you rescue it from "redemption", will tell you a lot of interesting little things, but only if you heed its lilting, inherently sad cry of "I'm different!".

AAAAAAAAAAAND speaking of clunky segues...I played a heck lot more of Portal 2 last night, experiencing no frustration whatsoever.

This is how the game was meant to be played...

And they've done a great job of actually getting some story up in this bee hatch, a pretty compelling one too.

Not sure where I am in the grand scheme of things, but I'm enjoying myself, so it doesn't matter.

Found out last night that I will (once PSN gets their shit together) be able to play the Portal 2 co-op with Will, me on my PS3, him on his computer.

The Future is finally here.

Way to be, Valve.

 

I've also had a chance to listen to the new Lonely Island a few times and here's some thoughts...

 

First off, these three guys are hilarious and, in my eyes, the reason people still bother to watch SNL.

I'll gladly go even further to say that they've saved SNL.

Okay?

Credit.

Now, that said, the second Lonely Island album, Turtleneck & Chain, is not nearly as good as the first.

In a nutshell, the first album had more tracks that didn't need to rely on the accompanying video to get the joke across, the song itself was finny enough and was enhanced by the video.

While there are a few songs on Turtleneck & Chain that are just great without seeing the joke (like the opener 'We're Back!', 'I Just Had Sex' and 'Motherlover'), the majority of the others ('Shy Ronnie 2', 'Threw It On The Ground', 'The Creep', 'Japan') that are practically incomplete without a visual component.

There are even a couple of tracks that need video to make them anything more than filler, like 'Rocky' and 'Attracted to Us' (probably the worst use of Beck ever. When you have the guy who created Midnite Vultures at your disposal, wring him dry).

I'd like to make clear that this isn't bad, just not as great as the first. We're not talking dropping from an A- to a D or anything, maybe just a B. There are some moments of pure gold like 'Jack Sparrow', which features Michael Bolton doing what all "serious artists" should do and jumping into the world of Lonely Island, feet first, and, the above-mentioned 'Motherlover', both songs that are excellent to begin with and are just improved upon by their ridiculously funny videos.

On its own, Turtleneck & Chain is a good album and only loses its luster when put next to their first.

Luckily, for those who feel like the wait wasn't worth it, you can go to Lonely Island's official web site and watch all their videos, any time you want.

Heck, I have a funny feeling you might even be able to obtain one or two of these songs and videos you like so much that didn't make it on either album some other, less legal way.

Just call it a feeling.

Anyway, while Turtleneck & Chain is a solid, well-made, funny work, there's really nothing on it that can compare to 'Natalie's Rap' from their first album.

Whatever the case, I recommend you buy both their albums, as their doing God's work and reminding the masses that "real" rap can be just as silly as their brand of fake rap.

Sometimes more so.

Lady Dutchess' First Love

5.9.11

3:50 pm

 

No homo.

 

So, the end of Friday and first bits of Saturday were spent playing Portal 2, which is good.

Quite the palette cleanser after Mortal Kombat.

And, although, it's brilliantly written and has J.K. Simmons and Stephen Merchant and that, it can drag and become frustrating at times, like most first person games.

But, this is all for science, so I suppose it's all right.

And those turrets...

Saturday afternoon was Thor for Jim's birthday.

Thor was iight, but I've never been way into Thor, so, yeah, Thorry.

Realized last week that this is utterly the summer of comic book movies.

That was nailed home after seeing previews for X-Men: First Class (looks great, but I fear the inevitable tease of a better, cooler sequel at the end. But, January Jones dressed as the White Queen? Take my pawn. BOING!!), Green Lantern (honestly, I'm just glad this is done with so RR can start making Deadpool, but Kilowog looks pretty cool) and Captain America (already there) back to back to back.

Although I'd trade them all in for the new Batman.

What does that say about me?

That I like Batman?

I'll agree with you.

After the movie, when Chris and I were saying goodbye to Jim, Jen and their friends, there was one girl who may have looked somewhat familiar, but I thought nothing of it and shook her hand saying something about maybe having met her before. She said, "yes, we've met" with this...tone.

Icy, I suppose one might say...or maybe bitchy?

But, like I said, I thought nothing of it until, a few moments later down the block, Chris reminded me that she was none other than Jim's bladed little friend, Kat, who, at Jim and Jen's Chinese New Year party in January, took to drunkenly shredding me for enjoying video games and, then, for relaying something that a friend told me.

Not because of what the friend told me, but because I used the phrase "my friend said".

She was angry because I was "spreading misinformation".

Her words, not mine.

And because I have a touch of facial amnesia, I hadn't remembered that it was She Who Shall Not Be Given An Alcoholic Beverage whose hand I was shaking.

If I had known it was her, I wouldn't have shaken her hand, but rather sidled slowly away from her, covering my genitals with the nearest potted plant.

She made Kaitlyn's one-time alcoholic fuckrant against me look like...well, actually, they were both pretty fierce.

I engender such hatred in drunken girls...why is that?

I'll just go with misdirected sexual desire.

Bingo.

Anyway, after I shook off the buzzsaw's frosty glare from my shoulders, Chris and I set off to meet with Will (and Steve and Chhay and Lorenzo and his wife and Chhay's friends) at Delta Grill where fun occurred.

Just getting over and entering into a period of sickness respectively, Chris and I returned home.

The next day, Will and I gayed it up all over New York City, first having lunch at Spitzer's on Rivington (hickory burgers! yum!) before checking out his hotel room where I broke his balcony door and received some top gear from Will.

Incidentally, I am now a Zero G Coach and have made up an entire line of bullshit in case someone asks about the hat. 

After that, we F & Ced it to the Museum of Natural History so Will could find a spaced-themed piece of baby clothing for his new lawyer's baby son...which is as normal in Will's industry as it is odd in any of ours...and wondered around the Hayden Planetarium, with Will pointing out the glaring mistakes in each and every exhibit...loudly.

We weren't asked t leave, we decided to leave.

Then, we decided we needed tea.

At Alice's Tea Cup.

No homo.

We ordered a pot of Phoenix Dessert Blend or Lady Duchess' First Love to those who aren't afraid to live life out loud, and each had a slice of the daintiest cakes imaginable.

It was...difficult to keep from laughing.

Especially once Will pointed out the cupcakes that had been named "Black Bottoms".

Seriously, what am I supposed to do with that?!

Then I escorted him to the uptown train and I took the downtown (story of my life LOLJK!!!).

Honestly, I have no clue why every time Will and I hang out in New York it gets gay...

Did I mention the sharing of the cream puff a  few years ago? No? Good.

Anyway, I headed home and played more Portal 2, encountering a few twists and some more frustration.

And then it was Monday and I cursed God for his petty vengeance.

 

Oh, also watched I Love You, Philip Morris.

Excellent, excellent movie.

Jim Carrey's still got it.

And the Shawshank Redemption reference was brilliant.

 

This weekend, we're going to Christina's mother's 60th birthday party.

I have told both of her aunts that if they arrange a cake for me to jump out of, I will jump out of it.

No homo.

Scary-God-Talking

5.6.11

4:49 pm

 

So this is quite creepy.

There is an older guard, way older, black dude, one of the only guys I respect here.

He's very religious.

And he sings.

As in, we're sitting here in, more or less, complete silence, and he's sort of sing/croon/murmuring "Oh Jee-zus....oh Lord......Jee-zus...halleloo-yah...oooh Lord..." etc.

It's wicked, hella creepy as fuck.

Very ominous, like I'm going to have the Popemobile dropped on me or get run over by a church or something...

Portentous.

I don't know if he wants me to comment so he can tell me about his choir or if he doesn't want me to comment or, and this is truly terrifying, if he doesn't know he's singing...

Like I said, he's quite old and forgetful at times.

HE'S STILL DOING IT!

"Oh Lord, amen, hallelujah"

That's what he keeps repeating!

That's not a hymn! Or a prayer!

I was raised Catholic and I know that is neither one.

IT'S JUST CREEPY.

He's doing what one does as one slowly skins an altar boy, smiling and thinking of the rosary and how one is saving this boy from sin by committing his still-innocent soul into the hands of God the Father Almighty!

And another thing..."Have a blessed day" is not how you start or end a conversation.

Don't tell me what to do.

Don't fucking tell me what to do.

I'll have a blessed day if I want to motherfucker...or I might listen to Marilyn Manson (before he got shitty, when he was as Satanic as he'll ever get) and jerk off with priest blood!

IT'S MY CHOICE.

BECAUSE GOD GAVE ME FREE WILL.

MOTHERFUCKER.

 

Seeing Thor and Will tomorrow.

Starting Portal 2 tonight.

Might abandon Morrison's The Invisibles as it's beginning to get a bit willfully incomprehensible as it rolls into the third volume.

 

All right.

Enough of that.

Dominum.

5.3.11

7:18 pm

 

Quick things.

 

Two nights ago I watched From Paris With Love, mostly because Luc Besson, John Travolta and King Henry are good at what they do.

And also, I thought that there might be something to do with From Russia With Love.

There was not.

And it was mostly a chance for Travolta to wave his bald head around and scream at the world: I AM STILL VIRILE!!!! FEAR MY MAN COCK!!!

Came off a bit desperate, to be frank.

 

Last night, I watched The Town.

It was a heist movie but directed by and starring Ben Affleck.

It was fine as far as movies like that go, but nothing to write a journal entry abo...

Hm.

Moving on...

 

I have decided, after having, literally, hundreds of thousands of people tell me to read it, to read that series of books Games of Thrones is based on.

The one by Robert something that people don't think will be finished before his death.

The one where seasons last for years...

Iceworld.

Fireland.

Whatever.

 

I have discovered that, against my will, my next few weekends are full of things to be done.

Birthdays and parties and dancing and whatnot.

As soon as I have some more free time, I plan to start/finish some GWD/pseudonymous music.

UNLESS I'M DRUNK!!!!!!!!

No, I probably won't be drunk.

Robo-Fisticuffs

5.3.11

4:40 pm

 

Anyone else notice it's May?

Hm.

 

So, the past few days, Chris and I have been in Woodstock, NY.

It was just ducky, for the most part, at least.

One or two food places we had kinda sorta gone to Woodstock to eat at either weren't serving food ("Serving food on a Monday?! You city slickers can go FUCK YOURSELVES!") or were closed, and had been for a month, because they were getting a new septic system installed.

Quick note, addressed TO the aforementioned eatery that has been closed for a month...if you're going to be closed for a month...maybe you should have something about it on your web site...sorry? what? you don't have a web site? oh, well that's fine, then you should have something on your answering machine...what? one more time? you don't have an answering machine?...oh, well, that's not a problem either, we'll just drive up from New York fucking City and then pull up to your shitterless establishment to read your cute little sign posted not on the Internet, not on a telephonic communications line but ON YOUR FUCKING WINDOW.

You anal warts.

Congrats, you have just quadrupled the business of the eatery directly across the street from yourselves.

If these people make their food just a tiny bit better, no one will ever go to your place again, brand new toilet or not.

 

So, other than a few setbacks here and there and the fact that I was quite sick, it was a great weekend.

I mean that too, I'm not being snarky.

Chris and I got Nature Married on top of New York's water supply and in front on some Jewish people and deer.

The food we did manage to eat was very good, especially the food we ate at Peekamoose, a place we are now seriously considering as a place for something related to our eventual nuppy nups.

They had an onion and goat cheese tart that you'd kill your family for.

If you like onion and goat cheese tarts.

If not, you probably wouldn't kill your family.

Our cabin was wonderful, if a bit chilly, we played Scene It? which, despite its innate cheese factor, was tons o' funne and I had some awesome tea.

And I am now a Lady Duchess.

But there is no need to focus on that...

I return to my pointless, soul draining job today refreshed and able to handle all the shit these funky assholes could manage to spray at me.

I feel...healed, somewhat...

 

I also found out that some military dudes apparently killed Osama Bin Laden.

Living in New York, I'm now a tad nervous about reprisals from his close friends and all that, but, hey man, living in New York means living in the ever-present shadow of ultimate doom and bad movie plots.

The constant threat of death is the only thing that gets me off these days.

But, seriously, NO ONE foresaw some guys flying planes into the Twin Towers?

NO ONE?!

We tried to convince the Cubans that Christ had come back to earth in order to depose Castro, but NO ONE could have foreseen THAT?!

THERE ARE RED LIGHTS ON THE TOPS OF THE BUILDINGS BECAUSE IT'S HAPPENED BEFORE!!!

 

Anyway.

I've been watching a ton of Justice League and I realize just how shitty it is that Dwayne McDuffie is dead.

That guy was damn good at his job.

Going to be timing out on Mortal Kombat pretty soon, I think (unless Chris takes her tampon out and kicks the shit out of me), and then I shall embark upon the delightful journey of Portal 2, which I should just have wrapped up in time for L.A. Noire, which comes out on the 17th.

I AM SO BUSY WITH THINGS THAT DON'T EXIST!!!! JUST LOOK AT ME!!!!

 

Clocked in at about 500 votes short of 20th place, ended up in 37th in that Neil Gaiman audio book thing.

Which sucks.

I wonder if I can get all 75 people (give or take) that voted daily to boycott the book out of spite...

Take that, corporate book publishers, you'll never taste that sweet, sweet audio book money.

You may act like you don't need it, but that thousand dollars might mean the difference between solvency and ah what the fuck am I babbling about.

Seriously, super thanks to everyone who helped out and super no thanks to everyone who could have easily helped out and didn't way to not be cool about it.

As for haiku, I'm trying not to be a dick about it and still do them.

I'm going to post something on Facebook along the lines of, "if you want one, let me know".

That ought to weed out the pikers.

 

I've been reading Grant Morrison's The Invisibles and just shaking my head at how freely the Wachowski Brothers borrowed from it for the Matrix moves.

I wonder if Morrison, White Wolf and all the other places they "homaged" from can file a class action suit or something...

Probably past the statute of limitations...

 

This weekend, after Jim's Norse Birthday, Will is coming up.

So there's gonna be some party.

Maybe.

Not sure.

I'll be here, he'll be here, the machetes will be here.

Let the good times roll.