I Made A Sandwich Out Of Media. A Media Sandwich.

The bread.
Was media.
The filling.
Was media.
The trimmings.
Was media.

After having it in my home for OVER EIGHT MONTHS, I finally watched David Lynch's fucking The Elephant Man. While I think Lynch did an amazing job of making the movie feel like it was from the 50's, I feel like his signature...uh...Lynchiness kind of got in the way of a really solid story; luckily, he kept his filmic fugues to a minimum and they didn't really affect anything. Hopkins did an awesome job as did, of course, John Hurt. I guess my only problem is when that crowd bursts into Merrick's room, it gets too cartoony and some of the seriousness and trauma of the experience was lost.
Then there's the fact that that whole thing could have easily been avoided if there had been, you know, curtains on the window or...oh, I don't know, a fucking door that could be locked.
He could have also told Hopkins that the Cockney fuckbag was harassing him.
Either way, my eyes were wet the whole time.
Fuck those British fucks for messing with that poor guy.

While in L.A., I had the pleasure of sitting down with friend, actor and armature taxidermist, Graham Skipper and interviewing him for my podcast. He gave me a pile of cool shit to check out (which I will soon consume and report on the moment I have time) and also reminded me of a separate pile of cool sit that I had never seen or had forgotten I had seen. One such shitlet was the original, 1974 version of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. Much like the first Friday the 13th movie, I feel like TCSM spawned a lot of those trite horror tropes we suffer through today; namely, the seemingly endless running and screaming.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I was rooting for Leatherface.
Partly because those goddamn hippies deserved what they got and partly just to stop the screaming.
Then there was the "going crazy" dinner scene. I can just hear the director: "You three, laugh more! You, cry! Cameraman, zoom in and out on her eyes! More! MORE!!!"
Ugh.
Also: I have never felt less sympathetic for a handicapped character before. He was fat and obnoxious and complaining the whole time and the moment he was vivisected by Mr. Face was one of the most rewarding moments of the film. I guess it's true what they say: even those brave souls living with physical challenges can still be annoying assholes.
Rest in pieces, Franklin, I hope they use your skin for a bath mat.
I will say that it was interesting not to have everything wrapped up and explained for a change. It felt more real and chaotic.
Two alternate titles:
Hitchhikers: No, Dude. Never.
And
In Thirty Years, Rob Zombie Is Going To Write This Movie A Love Letter

Another one of Graham's recommends was Attack The Block, something I completely missed because I had confused it was some shitty American action movie involving police.
While I dug this, I had a lot of trouble seeing those kids as protagonists and rooting for them because of their attack on that woman at the start. I understand that was kind of the point, but what they ended up doing never really redeemed them for me. Maybe I'm too much of a feminist, but, yeah, I think those little shits deserved a bit more suffering.
I also thought Al Swearegen was the bad guy before they introduced Cy Tolliver.
Nick Frost was, obviously, gold, as were those two little kids. While this wasn't exactly Shaun of the Dead with aliens, it was almost Shaun of the Dead with aliens. And that should count for something.
I would like to thank The Streets and Jamie T. for the dialect lessons that allowed me to fully enjoy this film.
So...you know how we all have those friends who haven't seen ______ and it just makes us sick or furious or whatever?
Yeah, I had never seen Blade Runner until a few nights ago.*
And...you know how there are those movies that sort of need to be seen at a certain point in one's life in order to have the proper impact and effect? Movies like The Goonies, Heathers, Labyrinth etc? I think this might count as one such movie. Which is not to say I didn't like it or dig what was going on, I just felt that, after all the talk and hype and homages and with how deep it's sunk into sci-fi culture and everything that there would be more to it. I also haven't read Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep?, but, if it's related to Blade Runner in the same fashion We Can Remember It For You Wholesale is related to Total Recall, well, it probably won't be of much help.
I think the problem I had was that they set up this awesome future world but you only get a little glimpse of it before Harrison Ford and Rutger Hauer (in one of the most terrifying roles I have ever fucking seen him in) start chasing each other around and playing Touchcock.
Also, two questions for you: was M. Emmet Walsh ever young?
And can we sue someone over D.C. Comics totally stealing the idea for Harley Quinn from Daryl Hannah in this movie?
In addition, I would like to go on record as stating that Daryl Hannah is superhot and that I'd give her a VK test any day.
Right before she kicks me through a fucking wall.
Rowr.

On a recommend from Jen Rock and the ever-ebullient Autumn Conkle, I have started watching Alphas despite the fact that it only got two seasons and that the second season ends on an unresolved cliffhanger. It walks a thin line between X-Men and Heroes but has been enjoyable enough to keep my attention.
It might also be one of my favorite roles for Summer Glau AKA one of the only roles I have seen her in without autism or being a robot or being a lab rat or being a robot with autism powered by a lab rat.
I still think she needs a good, home-cooked meal though.
She's wasting away.
I enjoyed the whole thing with Anna and Gary, but not a whole lot else is popping out for me. I like the episodes that feed into the larger story as opposed to the wacky villain one-offs or the random "character's past" episodes, especially since I know there is only a finite number of episodes left.
I also like playing the game where I name the D.C. or Marvel counterpart to whatever character they introduce in Alphas.
Chris and I have just finished the most recent season of Mad Men which, at the risk of sounding ignorant and plebeian, I feel is just doing shit to do it for no real discernable reason.
Let's make Don a dick in this episode but then do something nice in this episode.
Let's make Peter continue to want things. To have.**
Roger makes a sad, funny, sharp joke!!!
Shoot that dude in the face with a fucking shotgun...hang on...did that actually happen?
While I am very much looking forward to what happens next...I can't really really prepare my mind for it.
Is it masterfully crafted subtly or prolonged, exaggerated cockstroking, punctuated by a fast and messy spurt of sticky consequences?
Also: Christina Hendricks remains hotter than forty suns on fire.

And, finally, I just got back into Californication after completely forgetting about it for two whole seasons.
And, yes, while the show does really only revolve around how naughty David Duchovny is while either being with or trying to be with his ex-wife, I enjoy it for what it is: an adult, serialized televising show based on Porky's.
I also love Pam Aldon, Stephen Tobolowsky, the passive aggression (and aggressive aggression) between Jason Baghe and Duchovny, and the bromance between Even Handler and Duchovny.
Plus, the fifth season has RZA in it, and I firmly believe there is not one show or movie out today that could not be improved by his presence.
I will admit that the easy pace and laid back attitude towards everything makes me not want to move to California, but, a.) I am a pretty high strung dude, and, b.) this is a television show shot in the Czech Republic, so I probably shouldn't put too much stock in it.

Whew.
So there's that.

Coming soon, thanks to Mr. Skipper's kind recommendation: Possession, Bellflower and XTRO.





* OR I did see it and it left no impression on me. For whatever reason.

** HOW COULD ANYONE CHEAT ON HIS WIFE SHE IS SO UNCONTROLLABLY HOT YOU DUMB ASSFACE?!?!?!? ***

*** LOTS of cognitive dissonance related to Allison Brie when I happen to watch both Mad Men and Community. "I have the weirdest boner..."

A review of Nine Inch Nails' "Hesitation Marks"

Some early thoughts and impressions.

"Eater of Dreams" is an amazing track and should be four minutes longer. While there is nothing else on the album even vaguely related to the nightmares of H.P. Lovecraft, I still think the noises contained within this track would be at home coming from the inside of a Great Old One.

"Copy Of A" while it's grown on me, I still don't feel that there is a lot here. Also, I'm still bummed it isn't "Copy Of A (ay and not uh)" as I think that would have been more interesting subject matter (clones, the future etc.).

"Came Back Haunted" remains a strong single, but, if not handled correctly it could become a "Hand That Feeds". Moving on.

I dug "Find My Way" a lot the first time I heard it played on the Fuji live stream (and thought that it sounded a bit like something by Depeche Mode), and the studio version has so much more to offer. The background chants and drifting voices are chilling and add that touch of spiritual yearning addressed in the lyrics. I wish there were more stuff like this on the album.

"All Time Low" is the first song on the album that I don't like (as of right now, August 26th, it might grow on me). I don't hate it, and there are a lot of cool sounds in it, but there's just some stuff about it I don't dig. One thing that comes to mind are the lyrics that seem a bit remedial ("Hey! / Everything is not okay!" Really, Trent?). Something about it reminds me of "God Given" (another track I've never really liked). The second half, however, I love. I love the changes and the vocals and everything about it. Very divisive. I hope it grows on me.

"Disappointed" is really solid, but Reznor just sounds...I don't know...tired? I like all the instrumentation; the dancy beat, the plucked strings and the erhu melody but those last two minutes where nothing really happens are kind of confusing. Reznor mentioned during some interview about how he was worried that some of these songs might sound unfinished, like demos. While nothing else really feels this way, those barren beats at the end definitely seem to be missing something.

I like "Everything". I like it a lot. It's positive but rough, which is believable coming from Reznor at this point in his life. It isn't about how great "everything" is, it's about how, after "everything" he is, somehow still standing, shaking and shaken, but whole. I also like the nod to his earlier works and tour with the bright multi-part harmony of "wave goodbye". The song soars and makes me soar with it.

"Satellite" sounds like a track from Strobe Light and I kind of love that. It's a dark dance track that might feel at home as the "edgy" track on the new Justin Timberlake album. The subject matter is pretty on the nose as far as current events and the lyrics are, indeed, a bit silly, but your ass is shaking too hard to notice. The build at the end is nice too.

At the moment, "Various Methods of Escape" is one of my favorite tracks on Hesitation Marks. The quality and content of Reznor's vocals in the verses are something I've never heard before. The sonic textures stand out as well. I'm hoping this makes its way into their live set. I want to be swallowed by this song.

"Running" is another one I'm not crazy about. It feels...too sparse? And Reznor's voice doesn't go where I want it to...which is a ridiculous comment to make, I know, but, you asked, right? The little stabbing guitar line is abrasive, but not in an interesting way. It just sounds abrasive. Again, I'm not 100% sure I hate this; there are good moments. More time is required. The whole thing is just annoying me now.

"I Would For You" starts off with a beat sounding like something from Niggy Tardust, then rises from the cloggy synth mud to a cresting chorus, to one of the only times on the album where Reznor actually raises his voice to scream. Something about the chorus reminds me of "A Stranger In Moscow" by Michael Jackson...which is a weird god damn thing to say while reviewing a Nine Inch Nails album. This is another favorite for me.

My jury is still out on "In Two". There's so much happening here and I don't know if I like it or not. The sound is so hard it becomes unfocused at times, that along with the the robot (?!) vocals and then the high, chanting falsetto, then, just as I'm catching my breath and getting into it, everything drops out and things begin to build again from scratch...
Gah.
I need some more time with this.

I have a problem with judging books by their covers. Also with judging the quality and tone of Nine Inch Nails songs by their placement on an album. Case in point: "While I'm Still Here". I thought this was going to be the "In This Twilight", "Beside You In Time" or "The Downward Spiral" of Hesitation Marks.* It is not. I do not like it. Reznor's vocals, both the flat, toneless, almost-shouting and the repetition of "ticking time is running out"** just kill me. I'm trying to think of another Nine Inch Nails song I've disliked this much on early listens, but I'm coming up dry. Again, hoping this grows on me. What it is is beautiful, but not its execution.

And then, "Black Noise" swarms up and swallows everything. I'll admit, I wanted this to be cooler, longer, more apocalyptic and not just dark guitar noise...maybe an evolution of "Eater of Dreams"? Oh well. Maybe next time.

So.
Hesitation Marks doesn't sound anything like any Nine Inch Nails album I've ever heard (although some elements remind me of Depeche Mode, Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake and Talking Heads, respectively).
It's difficult and I'm going to need a lot more time with it.
After hearing the first few singles from the album plus "Disappointed" and "Find My Way" from the live shows, I was a bit worried about just how sparse the album would be. I dig sparse, but, come on, if Reznor is back on his "one new album every five years" cycle, then I'm going to need something more... I was also ready to be let down about the incongruous nature of the visuals (the amazing, amazing visuals by Russell Mills) and the sounds I was hearing; everything I'd heard was too clean to be paired with these gritty, blood-smeared images. Did you see the art for "Everything"? I was worried that the art would just be something cool that reminded us of The Downward Spiral so Reznor could further impart that Hesitation Marks was related to it. After hearing the whole thing, however, my fears have been assuaged.

I think I really like this album, even though it lacks a certain softness I've come to enjoy and look forward to on Nine Inch Nails albums, but, then again, it's all about being surprised, isn't it?





* As in the powerful, penultimate climax followed by the slow and beautiful denouement of "Zero Sum" or "Right Where It Belongs" or "Hurt".

** Okay. I will happily admit that a lot of Reznor's lyrics sound like bad, teenage angst poetry, but both his delivery (his passion, aggression, longing, whatever etc.) and the sonic framework in which they are set ameliorate their brooding, overdramatic nature. Usually.

Exit, Stage Left

Jean-Paul Sartre said that hell is other people.
I have come to agree, but with a caveat: hell is blitheringly stupid, eternally prattling, farting-in-church-during-a-funeral loud, mouth-breathingly ignorant people.
If we are now going by that modified definition of "hell", then I have been in hell for a decade.

You know what? No more hell for me, thanks.

After precisely ten years and one month, I am leaving my job at "the Hospital" AKA Terence Cardinal Cooke Health Care Center.

There are exactly two negative aspects to this decision: the first is that I lose the best insurance coverage in the country, and, the second, is that I will no longer receive a bi-weekly paycheck to read comics, browse the internet, create artwork, devise questions and line up guests for my podcast, author this fuckrant page and a few other things that I'm actually not supposed to do while at work.

The positive aspects? Honestly, I seem to discover a new one every few hours, just popping into my mind like tiny, delectable marshmallows rising to the surface of a delicious mug of hot chocolate.

Let's list a few off the top of my head, shall we?

• Suddenly, I will have a social life, as I will no longer be working from 3 pm to 11 pm Monday through Friday.
• I will have fifteen more hours a week to audition for and book gigs, since the majority of auditions are held from 9 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday, and, because of this job, I have been missing those taking place between 2 pm and 5 pm...for ten years.
• I get to see my wife for more than two hours a week.
• I will never...ever be exposed to this brain dead bunch of yammering stool samples...ever...again. Just...imagine that for a second...if the most annoying people in your world...people you had to spend eight hours a day with for a large section of your life...just...disappeared... That's happening for me.
•  No more seeing my bus (a bus that comes every fifteen to twenty minutes after ten o'clock at night) just as it's pulling away as I round the corner, leaving me to stand, alone in the dark, wondering why...the fuck..was I still doing this fucking job.
• No more working under administrators that could easily be replaced by an old pair of shoes. Full of poop. One of the worst things in (office) life is to have a supervisor that is dumb. Aside from the silent suffering one must undergo, one must constantly struggle with the fact that somehow...somehow this person ended up in charge of you. The mind...boggles... 
• No more shitty lunches at the spatter of shitty restaurants up around here.*
• Although it's been common knowledge for the Department of Health, the FDNY, and the entire administrative department for years before I joined the ranks of these slack-jawed, shuffling corpses, the fire system here does not work. Now, I'm not saying it does not work correctly, I'm saying that it does not work. As in, if there is a fire, it will not tell us there is a fire. Although, I will give it props for going off, full bore, when it's raining outside or it's humid in the building or that, in general, everything's okay. Another way to put this is that I am at less risk of burning to death in a fire if I am not here anymore.
• I will no longer experience the spiritual torpor that engulfs me wholly when I think of the people who have been here longer than I have and who seem content...like a Bichon seems content...with it's glassy, depthless, unfeeling, unthinking eyes...
• But, perhaps the aspect I am most excited about (and that's saying something as I am fucking thrilled about ALL these other aspects) is that I will now have forty more hours a week to pursue each and every creative whim that dances its glimmering way through my sparking, little mind. So, if anyone out there wants to collaborate on anything, fucking call me; I have nothing but time and boundless, exuberant, soaring ebullience at this gift I have given myself.

Oh, and, one more thing: there's going to be a party.
I'll keep you updated.




* One exception is 3 Guys diner; it is rock solid diner food. God help you if you order anything more complicated than a tuna melt, but, as long as you keep it simple...and stay on the path...and stand...and be true...what the fuck was I talking about?
El Paso Taqueria is pretty awesome too.

I Will Be Your Frankenstein...Again

Today, I had my first session with Speakaboos in a while, since just after my honeymoon, in fact.
There were two items on the agenda; the first was a re-record of Frankenstein as the first version was scaring kids a bit (the writing, not my VO, you puds) and the second is something I can't talk about yet, but also something that brought such joy and warmth to my heart.
I'm not a nervous auditioner.
I am confident enough in my abilities as a voice actor so that nerves have never really been an issue.
Add to that the fact that, in some cases, talent has nothing to do with it, and feeling nervous about such things is not a problem for me.
When it comes to bookings, what is there to be nervous about? I already got the job, they saw what I had to offer and dug it, of course I'm going to meet (or exceed) their expectations...I already have.
Walking into today's Speakaboos session, I was nervous. Not because I wasn't confident in my abilities, not because the folks I was working with didn't know how good I am at this sort of thing (I've been working with Speakaboos for about a year now, they know what I'm capable of) but because what I was doing was...important. It was huge.
Not that the normal Speakaboos sessions aren't, they are doing something unique and doing it well, but today...this...this had...magic.
Honest, real, pure, powerful childhood magic.
I've been saying for a while that getting to work with people like Speakaboos is the reason that I got into voice acting and I mean it; I'm not one to throw that around, but...today...was so much more.
Hopefully the beginning of a new and even more amazing chapter of my work with Speakaboos.

Also, for those of you with iPads, I was informed that the Speakaboos iPad app updates about once a week with new material and that, this week, "The Three Little Pigs" has been added.
In "The Three Little Pigs", I play Paul (not relation), one of the less...architectural...of the little pigs. I found out today that the pig who gets it right...was voiced by Bob Vila.
I am in "The Three Little Pigs" with Bob Vila.

That was today for me.

Thanks for stopping by.